I just know it, I know it. Deep down im just weird and uncomfortable. Nobody likes me. And I know. I keep trying over and over again. Over and over and over again to build relationships. I literally work at a bar and meet people, I talk to them, I talk to my coworkers, I have their contact info. And I try and text people and I dont get a response. I recently meet a random woman last week and we exchanged info and now she wont even respond. I have a ex coworker from another job that I believe would be a great fit, but im lucky to get a response from her. I dont hate her, but it sucks when I can try and start a conversation, and ill get nothing. Or if she starts the conversation, and when I respond back she won’t continue. I know people have things going on in life and they aren’t constantly available. But it seems like everyone has 0 availability for me. Im everyones last concern in everyone of my relationships. Im not expecting a constant text back and forth, but the bare minimum of effort. But I dont even get that. No one reaches out to me, no one calls me.

Im simply done, im tired. Im done, Im tired. I can’t make friends, I can’t build a relationship. Everyone talks about how nice I am, and how sweet, kind and gentle. But maybe thats too boring for everyone. My reputation is apparently so great with everyone, but no one wants anything to do with me. It’s agonizing pain, what am I doing wrong? Why cant I make relationships? There is something inherently wrong with my ability to build and maintain relationships. Im donating my brain to science when Im gone. I have to be rare.

Im not looking for help, I dont need help. I can’t be helped. I try over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. And Ive made 0 progress. Im tired of my self. I hate myself.