I do not know why this happens to me but this has always been the case. Why people do not like to talk to me, be close to me or wanna hangout out me. Since my childhood no one has tried to be friends with me. No one tries to initiate and have conversations with me. I don’t know why that is. I have always felt lonely in my life. Always. Most of my childhood was spent inside my home alone. I never had friends. Never. I never had my mom and dad close to me. Never. I never had a sibling close to me I could connect with. Even now people stay in contact with each other, my friends with themselves but never me. I can never understand why that is. Why does that happen? What is wrong with me? What do I do wrong? I am such a good friend. I genuinely care and love them. I genuinely respect them. But I always end up alone. That is why I cling to people, I get hurt, terrified and shocked when they leave me. Because I truly don’t have anyone else. No one calls me and texts me. If I don’t then they won’t. Even the people who I call my good friends would never come and talk to me. Why does that happen? Just why? Am I not a person people would like to have in their lives? That is why I have to run after people. I have been running all my life. I really want to stop. But if I stop, where will I end up? People never seem to make efforts for me. I have had this problem since my childhood. People vaguely like me, they just do not want to be around me. I am sweetest and the most caring person you might ever meet. I would go lengths for someone who is close to me, heck I would even make sure that the stranger I meet smiles when he talks to me. Sometimes I think people do not understand me, they are afraid of me. They don’t know what to say to me. At least that is how I deal with it. But at the end of the day I am still sitting alone running after people who never want to have me. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? Can someone enlighten me? I go all in when I am in any kind of a relationship. Why do people never talk to me?

For context, I also had language problems when I was a child. I started talking very late. I study astrophysics and I am a 24 year old male. My motto in life is to make people smile and I do that constantly.