Even when I was young I was very "conservative" , in the sense I was modest, humble, and down to earth. I was also industrious, thrifty, and tried to save and invest well. But the whole "it will get better once you get older" never came. I have worked on my body, my income, and my attitude. But despite this I seem conservative, the nice guy, the safe type. I feel like my 20's are passing by while my friends have fun. I am working on my investments and tryin to be the next X, but will it be worth it in the end? Or am I just coping?

I am too conservative or nice or whatever the hell. I am too put together. (Not to sound holier than thou). I almost feel like HR for the women my friends fuck if that makes sense. This has happened twice with my two friends (one online another offline). Like with covid restrictions travel and not having a successful love life, what am I actually working towards? In fairness I probably would not have succeeded anyhow but it still hurts to see friends succeed and despite trying (talked to 57 women mostly offline) I still failed. I plan to try for 100 but right now I am not sure whether to give up or what.

I also have thoughts trying to solve my issues and beating me up for not doing as well as my friends. The only thing that helps is phenibut. Also I have autism so it makes it hard as well.

The irony is conservative people I work with are the most accepting of all the people I deal with. I mostly with with Mormons and despite being a slight degenerate in private, I feel accepted at work. I also feel accepted when I went to an Orthodox church.

I just feel like a fuck up despite having 2 houses, a good job, and having my "shit together". I hate that I am so conservative and I wasted my time building up my mini empire.