Does anyone else get so fed up with the struggle of trying to be social and trying to put yourself out there that you purposefully do things to make people want to avoid you so you don't have to deal with it? Like sometimes I watch horror movies or draw gorey art in a public space on my college campus in hopes that someone will see me and get scared then remember to avoid me later because they'll think I'm crazy.

I guess its sort of like a way to self sabotage. I hate how hard it is for me to socialize even though I crave having friends and a group. So when I don't try hard enough I punish myself by actively try to push people away to male it harder on myself later. It can't be just me right? I really hate myself fit doing it but at the same time I can't stop.