I really do try to socialize but I get so overwhelmed. I don’t /feel: anxious but I know I am because the way I talk out loud to myself is far different than face to face with someone.

I’m just so bad at conversating so my defense is I think to be unpleasant. Just come off as annoyed or disinterested so nobody talks to me but the problem is I /want/ them to talk to me. I want to be talked to and build connections but it feels like talking to a wall.

I can’t connect because my mind is so preoccupied with saying the “right” thing that I can’t be me. I can’t offend, I can’t disagree too much, it’s so fucking exhausting.

I can’t even listen well because I become anxious with how to respond and press iPods with my actions and what I will say and my facial expressions.

I just want to speak my mind and connect with people. Im so tired of being lonely and I lose everyone I connect to because of this.

I hate this so much.How do I change?