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A few days ago I read this post and became inspired. I don't own a hoodie, but I do have a unicorn headband and a rainbow unicorn wig. So! donning said headband, I ventured forth into the public eye and did my exposure.
I was pretty nervous to begin with. I'm a big guy -- I'm told I look like lumberjack when my beard is thicker -- so it's hard for me to fade into the background at the best times. My legs were feeling like jelly, my heart rate got up; I could feel my muscles tensing up. It's a beautiful day, so I focused on the breeze, the sun, the clouds. Just being in the moment. I started out at the park across the road from where I live and eventually made my way up to a supermarket where I grabbed something I needed. All in all, I did it for an hour and a half, roughly.
My biggest take from it was just how much I'm responsible for my own anxiety. I'm engaging in fortune telling and sending myself messages that result in a lot of self-sabotage. No one actually cared, honestly. It was an odd sensation when I realized that my expectations of what would happen weren't matching what was actually happening. It was like feeling the bottom falling out of my fear and it felt hollow. It lost its power in that moment. With that realization, I calmed down and felt relaxed. I even eventually enjoyed it because when the odd person did acknowledge me, It was through a big smile or a kind word. I got one look of disgust from a guy but who cares. F that guy.
So, an interesting experiment and I learnt a lot about myself. I've done this once before years ago but I'm going to make this a regular thing now until the anxiety and nervousness around it is completely gone. If you're struggling, I do recommend this if you think you're up to it. I feel pretty empowered by it.
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- 1 year ago
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