Hey all.

So for the past few months I've been gaining some more confidence about my size than I've had in the past couple years. Most of that has been because I've finally tested out condoms numerous times, and every time I've tried them they seem to stay on fine, and not slip off, which is a relief, as a big fear of mine has been that condoms don't stay on me at all, as even now the only ones that do seem to fit securely are the thinnest in width on the market (45 mm nominal width).

However, I feel that a lot of doubt and worry is still holding me back.

For one, I worry about how things will feel for her. Of course, this kinda thing is something we all deal with, and one I'll probably be concerned about for the rest of my life too lol. I'm not expecting to wow most women with my dick, I am below average in girth, but I know it varies for different women, and I've seen some success stories from people of purportedly similar girths to me, and it gives me hope I can at least find a diamond in the rough if I try enough. Whether the hope is legitimate though, that's for me to find out.

Then, I also can't stop measuring myself. Whether it's with my eyes alone, or strips of paper I've made with measurements on it, I always find myself trying to cope and prove to myself that I'm big enough. At this point it's nearly everytime I get hard, I try to determine if I appear visually satisfactory, or literally just pull the strips of paper out to measure. Like with measuring too, my midshaft girth hovers in the range of 3.875"-4" when hard, usually closer to 3.875", but at least a couple times it's measured 4" exactly on some good days. So sometimes, if I see it isn't at 4", my hard on just fucking disappears, and can be hard to get back. I honestly wonder if I'm giving myself ED with this anxiety and shit sometimes. I can get successful lasting erections when I'm not measuring myself, but even then they're mostly propped up by porn, and don't always feel their strongest, which makes me worry.

Then also when I'm out and about, these kinds of thoughts still bother me when I compare my relatively smaller hands, feet, and stature to other guys, which make me wonder if part of my puberty was stunted or some shit. Still think maybe I should try to get a testosterone test in case I have low T or something, but I'm 21 (about to be 22 in a couple months) with a beard and a lot of body hair, so it might just be too late, or T was never the problem in the first place, just shit luck with genetics.

Lastly, I still worry the condom could slip off during actual sex. My tests with them have gone well, and the best of them have made it seem like I should be fine in this regard, but I feel like it's still possible, and it can be hard to convince myself that those tests really were so reassuring after the fact, even if they might've been in the moment! The mind is tricky like that. And given how PIV sex could last longer than any of my tests (maybe not the first few times though lol), and maybe has some other factors that might not have been present when I'm by myself, it still makes me worry how my only properly fitting condoms will fare. Not to mention the anxiety during sex with this worry may make things harder, as at least if condoms fit I could have something resembling a normal sex life, but things get much harder if they don't fit at all, and my heart goes out to all those who have to deal with that bullshit. And all the measuring, and worrying about the thinnest part of my dick, and condom stretch factors, has compounded to make this fear the one that has haunted me for years now. So, not the best thing to be thinking about during my first time, I'd guess.

So yeah, I'd really appreciate advice for how to deal with these and push through, as my feelings towards my dick have gotten pretty neurotic, and I just want to get past them so I can try my hand. Any advice is appreciated, especially from those who have dealt first hand with these anxieties. Thank you.

TL:DR; I know things won't be perfect, but how do I stop worrying about my dick and fuck already?

Also my measurements: 5" NBP length, ~3.9" midshaft girth, ~4.25" base girth