Pretty much explained above. I suffered a brain stem injury in 2018 which left me completely mute for about 8 months, following being in a medically induced coma. I had intensive speech therapy as part of my rehabilitation, which did result in some benefit, I was able to communicate, albeit with difficulty, for some time. I preferred to use writing as my primary form of communication however, since the injury it's always been much easier than trying to speak.

Having been isolated due to COVID-19, I've definitely got out of practice speaking to other people. I technically went back to work (working from home) in September, to my former position as a senior medical advisor for a large UK private medical insurer, basically meaning I oversaw telephone staff, and personally handled medical cases requiring special attention. I love my job, and have been doing it for nearly 15 years now. I've been with my current employer for 10 of those years, and they've supported me through my illness and rehabilitation. I am terrified of telling them that I still really struggle with my speech, and how much effort it takes to have the few phone calls with my HR and team manager that I've had recently.

As mentioned, I received a lot of speech therapy from the hospital rehabilitation team after I was allowed home from hospital. I've not been honest with my family, friends, or employer about how difficult it is for me to speak now, it's not just the difficulty forming words, but my hearing has been very, very sensitive since my illness, to the point where I no longer watch television, play music, and it's painful being in a car with the radio on or even the windows open. This...desire...for silence, I don't know if it's psychological or not. Speaking out loud, even my once weekly calls with my mother, leave me feeling exhausted, and craving absolute silence again.

I've been wondering whether I should try and accept that communication via speech, watching TV without subtitles, and listening to music, is now not something I can take part in. I was beginning to be taught BSL before regaining some speech in hospital, but didn't continue with it since I was so desperate to get back to normal. Now that I have a far better idea of how much I prefer to live in silence, or at least minimising sound, I wonder whether it would be a good idea for me to start learning again. I also can't help but wonder if I will ever get back to how I was before, colleagues had described me as very soft spoken before my illness, but now I'm at the extreme. I worked hard to get my speech back but I honestly don't know whether the short bursts I'm now capable of are worth holding onto.