Over the years, RP was something that initially enjoyed, a lot, but it never satisfied me.

I enjoyed thinking up and describing the sensarios, how it is a tiny or giant may interact in believable or ridiculous ways, but engaging that aspect of my imagination has only made me want the impossible more.

There are other factors at play. I'm a very touch-sensitive person, and as I've become older I've grown to dislike communicating via words/text (even voice chat) in subject matters that I feel strongly emotional about. I need so see someone's face and subconscious tics. I need to see that the creative project we are involved intimately together on is something we feel passionate about, even if have days where we're too tired to engage in it for the moment.

I'm not sure how to discuss it, but I guess RP is just not my personal route to satisyingly articulating my fetish to myself. I'm hoping I can instead do so through art and writing, but I hate to think that I won't truly be satisfied until I find an IRL woman friend, with whom I can see relishes in her side of the fence; not even as a partner, much less something sexual. I just want that vulnerable, human conversation wherein we can bare that crushing anxiety of the soul clambering for non-existent holds on reality. To know that someone else suffers in that way. Obviously, there are plenty of people who discuss it online, but for me it really isn't the same.

However, and annoyingly, I'm not sure seeking others solely on grounds of sharing in a reciprocated fetish is the best approach for anyone to formulate a long-term relationship. Not that it couldn't happen, people meet up for similar interests all the time. I suppose I just need more practice in the matter, but I'm not sure how or if I should to about it. Hopefully, I can proform a due diligence on my life enough, and open up possibilities for me to access such authentic, vulnerable interactions in the future.