I know not everybody's up to date with what the Orange M&M kinda guy is up to these days, so let me give you some context.

Last year, I found this group of shrunken women who were trained to be maids for a giant master. At least, that's what they signed up for. Really, they were sold as slaves and abused by some very cruel giants and giantesses. I shut the operation down and prosecuted everybody involved. When I gave the maids an opportunity to grow big - to resume a normal life - most of them took it, but about 25 of them turned me down. They still loved being tiny, and they still wanted a taste of that subby lifestyle.

So... I brought them to my home and set up a tiny apartment suite for everybody to share. It's a nice little setup. The whole building is about the size of a bookshelf. It comes with its own electricity, running water, air conditioning, even an indoor pool. And in exchange for living with me, the ladies clean my house. They're surprisingly efficient. Somehow they figured out how to work a regular-sized vacuum cleaner and broom. It takes most of them working together, but they manage. They also somehow figured out how to wash my dishes and move my laundry through the washer-dryer. Don't ask me how any of this works. They do most of this while I'm at the office or otherwise out of the house.

It's a sweet dynamic we've got going. When I get home, a bunch of them rush me and try to offer me tiny massages. Sometimes I'll discover far too late that a couple ladies sneaked into my socks or my pockets on my way out the door so that can spend more time with me at work. They hide in my hat too. Something about my hair makes them go crazy. Maybe it's the shampoo I use?

Also, you know how you sometimes buy a nice toy for your cat, and the cat would rather play with a cardboard box? Half the time, my maids don't even sleep in the nice apartment I gave them. They crawl into bed with me and find some spot on my body to curl up on/under. This especially happens in the winter, when they constantly pretend the heater is broken in the apartment building. I know you're lying to me Susan I checked the thing three times a day if you want to sleep in my pocket just ask-

Anyway, I make a dinner for myself that's also big enough for them to nibble some food down too. At the end of the month, I try to make sure all the lovely ladies get some cake and ice cream. Gotta reward them for their efforts somehow, right?

They're all so sweet and cuddly and playful, I just love them all. And I make it a point to try and get to know every single one of them. I know them all by name. I've gotten them all to open up about what their lives were like before getting shrunk. I'll take them on walks with me and find ways to make sure they're attached to me. Wouldn't want them to get lost in a state park, am I right? Getting everybody a travel buddy and giving them little leash harnesses connected to my backpack or belt is a natural way to keep tinies safe.

I could go on forever about this, but I'll leave it at that so as not to embarrass them all completely. The ladies are already blushing profusely as they sit on my desk and watch me type. 10-4, over and out!