I've always had a thing for humiliation. A really kinky thing for it. Usually involving transformation and body horror. As time went on, I discovered hypnosis, and got a... "deeper" fetish for forced feminization, pet play, and being brainwashed in general. Although I guess I only found hypno because I wanted to find a way to force myself to stay in my family member's clothes. Any way, I went down the whole of deviant submissive kinkiness, getting into toilet play, trying pet food, listening to basically every hypnosis file under the sun, and lots of feminization. I don't know why, but I started to really zone in on feminization, and the ideas of wearing dresses and heels all the time, being forced to wear make up, having my mind changed to be a a boy crazy giggly girly girl, then turning into a fasination with cum and anal/oral play. As time went on, less and less was getting me going; the hypnos felt pointless, I was feeling fine about wearing fem clothes, and everything felt gender neutral. Yet I was getting more and more into the idea of being made into a girl, hiving head and getting fucked. So finally, one night in college while doing a chastity challenge, I went to reddit and put out an ad for a dom.

Dom 1: total newbie who had me fuck myself and send videos, and who didn't know a single thing about feminization. One day two or three, I told him that I wanted to be feminized more. His recommendation was that I should try to seduce my roommate. I was shaved, and I owned five pairs of panties, and he was tellling me to try and seduce the person I still had to live with for a couple of monthes. His back up plan was to have me paint my nails. All his accounts then disappeared on day 7 in the middle of play. So that went well.

Dom 2: First day he was there all day, and I both loved and hated it. I am an extream introvert, to the point that I had never made any friends. I was VERY use to running on my own schedule, so to have someone else there ALL DAY was a bit intimidating. But don't worry, the next day something happened in his family and I could barely get five words out of him a day. Not that I was angry or upset with him or anything; I was sympathetic for him and his struggles. But he lasted A DAY. That ended a week later, when I didn't have the will to bother wearing panties any more.

Dom 3: Same general story as the last one, but more of a slow simmer. Gave me actual training assignments at the start, which were basically short, hour long conversations meant to get me to act a certain way. But as time went on, he got more busy, we talked less, and despite my best efforts, I could never follow his commands. I don't even know how, they just failed to be completed. Of course, I would usually complicate things, pointing out how he could get better results if he did this, or saying how this doesn't actually work and you shouldn't waste your time with it. Then he would say he would punish me, and nothing would happen. I just started giving up, and doing my own thing, because I could tell I wasn't going to be able to please him, and he just didn't seem to care. I swear he always had a slight feel of contempt for me. So just like the last dom, I talked with him, and we moved on. After about two monthes of this purgatory.

Dom 3 is where I really started to realize that I wasn't enjoying this. It wasn't turning me one. I wasn't humiliated by having to purchase panties in person, I don't react to being called slut (and I only slightly react to being called princess), and taking pics of me fucking myself was more like a puzzle for me, a way to explore how best to please the recipient. I was always worried about showing my dick/clit, because it was never hard, and I was afraid the other person would realize I was basically lying. I told my self that, even if I wasn't enjoying it, I was happy as long as the other person was. And I mean, that's my life moto; there aren't many thing I want to do for myself, but I love helping to do things for others. Here's the catch; I wasn't doing squat for these people. It all felt aimless and pointless. I wasn't DOING anything. I actually quickly came to dread trying to be dommed, because it always ended with me bored and unwilling to let the horn dog down. Heck, the reason I kept coming back was purely because I had underdeveloped social skills; I wasn't looking for a dom, I was looking for a simple, non-horny friend. And this was not the place to do that (for the most part. I have met some great people via these subreddits).

So I went without a dom for a couple of monthes while the school year wrapped up. With no other way to use my free time, I defaulted to scrolling through the sissy subreddits, looking at "wanted ads." I hated it, and wanted it to stop. So, I fell back on the last time I had actually had some fun with this culture: when I humiliated another sissy. We had met up, and after some talking, the other person said they were looking for someone to write a comprehensive email, describing all the sissy activities they've been doing, to send to their ex girlfriend. That person was me, and it was a joy to do. This sissy's story was hysterical, honestly; they used to dom their GF, and then after she left, he decided to try some of the things he made his GF do, and found he loved how humiliated it made him feel. So he went deeper and deeper, doing all these things to himself that he had done to his GF, and even some things he had failed at doing. And it was fun to probe him, to try and add light embaressment to things. But my favorite part was the day after I sent the email to his ex; I had to guide her on how to respond, as she was freaking out, and he was freaking out because he hadn't heard back from her yet, and I negotiated everything so things could stay fun. I felt useful, I felt engaged. I wasn't aroused, but I don't care, I loved the experience. Unfortunately, the sissy soon disappeared afterwards, but I had learned something: if I knew what the sub wanted, I could really enjoy domming and guiding the sub. I like working on their problems and helping them. In essence, I am serving my subs, and I love it. I also love showing them my pic of me dressed like an an innocent little girl, then commanding them to call me daddy and acknowledging just how much more of a man I am than them, because I know that's what they want.