It all started when I dress up as a girl for my at the time gf, she’s bi and loved it, I loved it too. After a while I found out I was trans (genderfluid/nb), and wanted to be more feminine, that was fine made sense and all wand I still liked girls all the same.

Then I found about Bnwo stuff and that shocked me, dozens of post of women saying bbc was far superior and only massive cocks could trully pleasure them and videos comparing their orgasms and stuff. Made me feel really bad for having a average cock. Didn’t look further into it.

By this time I have had watched transgender porn and they were all women so I was fine with that. Ten I found about Femboys and trap hentai. I felt I wanted to be more like that while also being attracted to how feminine they were, and i found their cocks cute and feminine.

Me and my ex have broken up, and by this time I was a bit anal curious bc I’ve seeing them cumming from anal alone and posts about its way better then regular orgasm. And some people saying it was way better than pussy, and that turned me on at the time. But I was fine and confident about my sexuality bc liking anal and liking guys are different things.

I soon found out about sissy porn and hypno. And started trying to achieve the famous sissygasm. Since I’m too focused on results rather than journey I did all wrong. Bought a dildo way too big (10 inches), often didn’t loosened up enough to start playing etc To this day I never cummed hands free

Still, I’ve felt good, in multiple different ways. After the First time I tried that, I could feel my prostate swollen and almost throbbing during work. I think I managed to penetrate sigmoid as well which was always so fucking overwhelming (unfortunately always followed by poop no matter how good I prepped). I’ve started enjoying the feeling of having that dildo between my legs, under my balls, and how it was so ducking big compared to my often limp cock (rarely got hard playing with my ass), grinding on it etc

Im not that active but I’ve fucked girls once or twice meanwhile, I found it a bit hard to get get and keep a erection compared to how it was with my ex but once I got it going it went well, but the thing is, I didn’t really felt good. Like psychologically it’s always amazing to fuck some big ass, make them go crazy, own that pussy and the ropes. But I couldn’t cum, unless I masturbated.

Back to the dildo, I rode it until it broke, and afterwards I read I might have never sissygasmed because it was too big. So later on I bought an average dildo, that never really made me feel the same, and still didn’t cum hands free.

The thing is, after stopping riding the massive dildo, I spent some time not doing anal at all. But still consuming sissy porn, and found whiteboi/bbc stuff, but instead of feeling bad like the first time I found it, it kinda turned me on so I went if it. Ballbusting was kinda good and painfully pleasurable. I consumed more and more sissy hypno and porn in general, and bbc related things.

It came to the point that I was getting rock hard by reading captions or looking at Big Cocks. The latter felt kinda weird, bc they were guys cocks, I was kinda fine with transgirls cocks and futa hentai, but now it was men’s cocks. Still it focused on the member alone not the guy so I guess it’s kinda like a dildo, so I didn’t bother much at the time.

Until I got a hook up with a girl who was a totally obsessed and slut for me, and I couldn’t get hard, no matter what I did. Max I could do was fuck her ass soft hard, and she had to hump me, she still cummed both ways, but I didn’t.

After I got home I looked at some bbc and I got rock hard. So something happened there. And I went to test it. It got to the point I can’t really get much hard for pussy anymore. But huge cocks? They get me rock hard. And I caught myself once or twice imagining how big of a cock a guy had.

Im still not into men. And I pretty much like girls. I was even able to purge that this past few weeks. I was back at fapping for girls and pussy, and well lots of… roleplaying, but Even the ai rp I do, when sissy related, was usually with futa bots, or dominant women, that’s is… until it wasn’t. And by now Ive roleplayed with about 4 bots and scenarios involving guys.

And I’m not sure if there’s something to do if that but all of a sudden, this past week I just went to online chat cams and browsed untill I found a guy with a nice big cock, who didn’t mind I didn’t turn my cam on. I was looking for a BBC but I found this nice guy with a thick 8 inches white cock and I went full slut over him, and I jerked off writing about what I’d do to his cock while she beat that meat, and I wanted to see him cumming but he didn’t have lube so, I edged myself to that. And I didn’t really had post nut clarity, I kept searching unfortunately didn’t find any other stud. Also I can’t take him off my mind, that was so fucking hot and he had such a nice cock

Im also using an anon chat app asking to rate big cocks so they send me pics and videos while I tell them how horny I am and what I’d do to them. And now there’s this guy who’s sending me bbc porn clips non stop and it turns me on all the time. I’m trying not to cum cuz I’ve been not deprived from it a couple days and I’m going to give my average dildo a ride later today 10 am ET, and I’m hoping I can get that bliss.

I’ve never did anything like this, I’ve kept this very private and I didn’t even commented on posts I followed.

And now I’m on like 14 sissy or bbc discord servers and hoping someone will be available to go on call with me, even tho I won’t show myself and maybe not even talk. I just want a bbc jerking off, or have a girl dom me, or maybe a fellow sissy to ride alongside me I don’t know why the fuck I’m so horny

Im not even attracted to guys. Unless like some very very very specific traits