So really not sure how to explain this but my sexual journey. I've generally started as an open minded straight guy who got into the swinger community as a bull. I've been dating for 5 years now and have a great relationship. I brought her into the lifestyle having started with traditional swinger experiences but now we've been diving deeper into the cuck and hotwife lifestyle.

I've always had super strong female worship and domination fantasies. I've also gone through a journey exploring anal play from pegging to bottoming and topping a few really passable transwomen.

Lately, I've been super interested in diving deeper as a more submissive, passive sexual partner. It's kind of challenging between my GF and I since she prefers to be fucked 2-3 times a week and I've become more of a once every week or two guy. I'm hung and can fuck good but I love the mind trip in being denied, humiliated, and spoken to submissively. I love to be filled up with a plug and any time we have sex I plug myself.

I really love the "going deeper, give us and accept pleasure" aspect of sex as a 'bottom'. I've opened up and accepted that I have bisexual interests (specifically in the role as a bi cuck). We've had some MMF threesomes with another guy that's really great to us and he's awesome in bed with her and enjoys fucking me.

​

So I've accepted i'm into hotwifing , cuckolding, and while I'm not attractive to guys generally I enjoy the masculine energy of a male top and taking that kind of pleasure. I want to explore SO MUCH MORE with my GF. I've been mildly into sissy play, but I'm kind of unsure what the make of it. Like how far should I take this? Is it irresponsible? I want to go deeper as a "bi sissy cuck" but it's feels like such a challenge to mentally accept the kinds of things that might attract me. It's like a mix of being scared, exhilarated, and anxious to proceed... all at the same time.

On one hand I enjoy sissy hypnos/porn, but am only into super passable people. But I'm not into dressing up in makeup and a wig or anything like that. I am into wearing panties in chastity and being made to take cock. I'm not really a jealous person, but I've noticed I'm a bit of a bratty and angsty cuck. And i kind of like it? But want my partner to really push through my brattiness.

One time my GF made me take a giant 12" dildo while pegging. I honestly was like "no way" but she relaxed and soothed me, and made me take it. It was insane and felt so amazing before I became way too sore. That's the kind of way I want to keep exploring... kind of seeing how much sluttier I can be.

Sometimes I fantasize about participating in a gangbang with my girlfriend and we're both bottoms and I'm more sissy. Sometimes I fantasize about my GF pushing me to be more sissy and another guy fully pushing it as well.

But I feel bratty about it... like I have too much pride to admit it and really push it. I love exploring this with my partner because she can help me go the extra step. I want her to push me through moments of "nah no thanks". But she's not super into the sissy, humiliation stuff like I am.

I'm thinking about this stuff because my GF has a FWB that is more of a poly situation. It's not a hotwife/cuck situation. They hang out for hours and fuck the entire time. My GF like it because it's "her own thing" but I don't get photos, videos, and get major cuck angst about it... she likes this separation from my kink interests. Its a really deep loving type of thing they sound like they have going on.

I was basically expressing some frustration about her FWB situation because I've been asking for videos for a long time, but she refuses. I feel like it's a small ask and not a big deal, but it is to her. I feel a little hung out to dry and jealous because I don't have any other woman I'm seeing that I can have a similar experience. So I was thinking out loud that I should try to shift my energy back towards being a bull so I have less FOMO...

​

But after reflecting, I think what really turns me on is the idea of her really forcing me to accept my feelings but reinforcing chastity when I feel bratty. Or me having to pleasure myself more submissively, like a bi sissy cuck (in all the ways that generally entails).

​

So in a way, I'm trying to totally open the door for my GF to help me push deeper into sissy kink stuff, but she's not necessarily into it. And I don't find pleasure exploring it alone. So it's a bit of a dilemma I'm trying to think through.