I've been expressing myself online lately and it's been nice to feel desirable. I have never had confidence in myself. Being desirable hasn't been something I've felt. There have been plenty of disgusting creeps so far, but I can mentally disconnect them so far.

I've had one person want to cheat on their girlfriend with me and that's a hard limit.

Then today I was messaging someone, but they seem into anonymous sex. That's not for me. I haven't been with anyone in 19 years. I'm nervous. Things like being "safe" with PREP is scarey to me because I know I'm a clumsy fuck-up. I need simple trusted interactions. Despite that, I was going to message them back tonight but they blocked me. I guess I took too long to respond? I'm confused, sad, and hurting.

I want to find someone that let's me go wife mode. Even if I can't present girl yet. It's something I'll continue to work towards. There's so much to the feminine role I want give that gives me fulfillment, but it's difficult to find that person.

I don't know what to do some days. Even if I should keep trying? Days like this make me want to purge, but I'm done with that. Tomorrow, I'm going to wake up, do my conditioning, habits, and mantra. I'll keep up with my online profile and blog for now.

Maybe I'm just depressed because I haven't had release this year (2023). Idk. Sissification Academy can be too cruel. Ugh! It sucks writing this.