My kids are 3, 5, and 7. Their dad has always been an asshole and never paid child support, but since our separation in 2017(before the youngest was born). He has always been at least around. He always took his visitations. It was annoying, he fought me on everything, but they (of course) love him, and that’s what mattered.

Well, that all changed in August. I told him I needed his new address before he could take the kids, so he disappeared. I have reached out to mutual contacts (like his mother) asking if they know where he is, and she just says “I don’t have an answer for you”. He hasn’t contacted the kids now since August.

How do I help my kids? They keep going back and forth between my three year old saying “daddy ___ doesn’t want to be a daddy anymore” (someone well meaning told them that I think), to the middle child saying “maybe he’s just still working on building a house for us” to my oldest who doesn’t want to talk about his dad at all, ever, though I did overhear him talking to the school counselor (he knew I could hear and said it was ok that session, though now he goes to another room) on zoom and he said “Daniel tiger was wrong, grown ups don’t always come back.” Which broke my heart.

What do I do? How can I help them? Are there books? What do I tell them when they ask where he is? Do I say “maybe so” when they make justifications? Do I point out that he could have called? Anyone have advice?

I just keep seeing that scene with Will Smith on fresh prince where he’s basically full grown and breaks down asking why his dad didn’t want him... that’s what my babies are going through, and it breaks my heart.