When I was young, were talking around 7-9ish, I was a massive singing fan. Although that never changed, I was actually willing to do something about it. I was in the choir at my school and I loved it. Something else I should point out is I have autism, and the school I went to wasn't very understanding about this, I'm much more controlled now, I no longer require medication for it, I'm able to control myself very well. However at the time I never really had that. One day we went to a singing practice at some theater hall, a show with our school and another, the first performance id been a part of, we did the rehearsal and it was the day before the show when we went to the assembly hall for one last practice, that was when the teacher approached me and said that I couldn't be in the show. Because of my autism I was quite fidgety, so because I couldn't sit still when we wernt performing, they didn't want me on that stage. The worse but was they didn't just kick me out, they said I could stay in the choir, I just could t be a part of any performances. I was broken, I just left the hall and cried to myself for an hour, I felt humiliated and ashamed of something I couldn't control.

From then in singing was not possible for me. I could sing by myself, but if I did, I would cry while singing, and I couldn't bare to sing I front of another person, it was just to terrifying after what happend. I'm 21 now and I'm proud to state I'm finally over that trauma. I'd done a small bit of singing in front of my best feisn during 2020 but just like a line of a song and it wasn't much. Then earlier this year we went drinking together, we were both fucked and with the music being loud and the club being mostly empty I started belting out songs. But the true test came when I went to the club and they happend to have kareoke on, I messeged my friend about this and with their confidence and support I ended up singing a few songs, just classic stuff. The final step was last week, I saw an advert for the kareoke night and invited said friend and we went together. On the pervious kareoke night I'd also had some drinks, yet this time I was fully sober, not one drop of alcohol. They supported me the whole time, and I ended up singing some songs quite close to my heart, some songs I would never have been able to sing infront of people last year of the years before, softer songs with noted I had to hold for quite a while. And while I was doing this I started to realise I wasn't struggling, I was nervous to sing songs that meant a lot to me, but that's just normal nerves, the worries and fears I usually had wernt there, and thinking back I have no regrets about it. I think im finally over that portion of my life, I think im ready to sing again, do more kareoke, finally be more of myself.