With the talk of the 2020 College Football season possibly being cancelled, I figured we need to play through some hypothetical outcomes of the 2020 season. Let’s start with the absolutely least possible outcome to the upcoming season. This scenario would definitely have one of the lowest odds to actually happen in reality but it is the year 2020 and honestly who the f**k knows what is going to happen next.

In this implausible scenario, Louisiana – Monroe (ULM) finds a way to make it to the 2020 College Football Playoff. I know you are immediately wondering why the hell would I pick ULM? Well, I went there since they offered me an academic scholarship to pursue my dream of being a weatherman. Being from New Orleans, they were the only school in the state of Louisiana who had an Atmospheric Science program. Honestly, I wanted to be the next Jim Cantore but eventually figured out I couldn’t understand collegiate level calculus along the way but that is another story.

Also, ULM is the poorest athletic department in the FBS by far (Ranked 170th https://sports.usatoday.com/ncaa/finances/) so this makes it the impossible against all human odds’ ultimate incomparable underdog story. If you’re as bored as me in my current shelter in place situation, I welcome you to keep reading if you hadn’t stopped as soon as I mentioned ULM.

Back to the impossible feat ULM would have to pull off to even be considered a College Football playoff contender. We all know ULM would have to go undefeated but that won’t be close enough (All UCF fans nod knowingly) and they’d probably top out at number 20 or 21 in the polls. All things considered; ULM has a pretty weak schedule in 2020. Their out of conference schedule starts with Cal Poly but it does include two SEC teams in Georgia and Arkansas (You remember 2012?) and Liberty with Hugh Freeze most likely coaching in a Haz-Mat suit. Also, don’t worry Georgia fans, I ran 48 simulations and it did not have ULM beating Georgia once.

ULM’s Sun Belt schedule would have to rise up and knock off some big schools too. ULM plays Texas State, Georgia Southern, Troy, South Alabama, Appalachian State, Georgia State, Arkansas State and the Ragin’ Cajuns in their conference schedule. However, ULM’s Sun Belt Opponents have a few shots to pull off some out of conference upsets to help ULM’s weak schedule:

Texas State vs. SMU and Ohio.

Georgia Southern vs. Boise State and Ole Miss.

Troy vs. NC State and Tennessee.

South Alabama vs. Southern Miss, Florida and UAB.

Appalachian State vs. Wake Forest and Wisconsin.

Georgia State vs. Alabama, UNC-Charlotte and East Carolina.

Arkansas State vs. Memphis, Michigan and Tulsa.

The Ragin’ Cajuns vs. Wyoming and Missouri.

Out of these 19 games ULM’s Sun Belt foes will need to win close to half of these games to finish 9-10. Please keep suspending your disbelief as we all know this is incredibly unlikely and damn near impossible. I hope you are still incredibly bored and keep reading. ULM would likely face App State in the Sun Belt conference title game and have to beat them again. Hopefully, App State defeated Wake Forest and at least played Wisconsin close. ULM still will definitely need more help in the form of CHAOS to slide all the way to up #4 in the College Football playoff poll. They’d need the year 2007 multiplied by ten College Football CHAOS.

Out of the Power 5 Conferences, we’d need the PAC-12 to self-cannibalize itself which it tends to do almost every year. Oregon would need to blow a game or two during the year and lose in the PAC 12 Title game to a 3 loss Utah team eliminating them from the playoff race. The Big XII would need some parody and most likely depend on Texas being BACK when they beat LSU and Oklahoma and then not back when they lose to West Virginia or Texas Tech but then BACK again when they beat Baylor and then not back when they lose to Iowa State or Oklahoma State eliminating the entire conference from the playoff. Throw in a second Oklahoma loss to Baylor and you have a 2 loss Big XII title winner. Would ULM have enough to get in over them? Let’s say yes but barely.

ULM would need Clemson to run away with the ACC which in all likelihood looks great unless Dabo runs out of money to sanitize his private jet. ULM would need PITT to derail Notre Dame and muck up the rest of the ACC which I believe in the PITT super-weapon and so do all of you. Notre Dame would need at least one more loss along the way which they find if Brian Kelly keeps passing in torrential downpours.

With the SEC, I’d love either 2 loss Florida to win the SEC East narrowly escaping South Alabama or a 2 loss Georgia team with a loss to ULM make the title game vs an undefeated Alabama. ULM would need Alabama to win the SEC Title because the pollsters would find a way to rank a 1 loss Bama and 2 loss Georgia team ahead of ULM even though ULM defeated them earlier in the year. Georgia fans would be screaming, “It ain’t right Pawwwlllll, so what we lost to them earlier this year we just beat undefeated Alabama! ULM ain’t played nobody!” After weeks of that noise from Georgia fans ULM would be out of the playoff for sure.

As for the Big 10, I really don’t know much here but I think I have to mention Ohio State (Talkin’ Bout the Bucks!!). But if we are looking for CHOAS, we’d need the Big Ten to eat each other alive. I’m talking Iowa pulling upsets on the road vs Penn State. I’m talking Ohio State losing to Michigan State and Michigan after the Wolverines somehow lost to Arkansas State earlier in the year for the most chaotic possible scenario to benefit ULM. I’m talking Northwestern with an offensive explosion of 24 points defeating Wisconsin and Minnesota. I’d really love to see a 2 loss Michigan and 2 loss Wisconsin (losing to App State) battle for the Big 10 title both losing to Sun Belt teams earlier in the year. The winner gets into the playoff and this almost ensures ULM gets respect needed to get ranked #4 in the College Football Playoff.

This scenario would spit out Clemson, Alabama, Michigan/Wisconsin winner with ULM sitting in the #4 seed of the College Football Playoff. We all know there is no chance in hell of this happening. ULM legitimately could lose their first game to Cal Poly and this is all for naught as soon as the college football season starts. Honestly, this is all for naught anyway because Ain’t No Way it’s Happening Pawwwwlll!! Thank you for indulging my Quarantine boredom. I hope we get a college football season; I hope ULM miraculously makes a bowl game after having a 7-5 season, I hope we all make it out of these trying times and return to normalcy soon enough. Stay safe my friends and #MonroeBaby.