First of all I want to thank everyone who commented on my post, you all gave me very good opinions

I still feel sad but I discovered that my death wishes were due to unhealed emotional wounds.

I realized that I was living a fake life, trying to pretend to be something I'm not and in fake "happiness" like social media, casual sex, impulsivity, gambling, etc.

I was taking sertraline 50 mg and that masked my deep sadness but it didn't solve the root, it just made me not overthink and be active.

On the other hand, I realized that when I was only 14 years old I once tried to commit suicide, and then in the following years that thought continued to haunt my head.

so this is nothing new, maybe the mushrooms just brought to the surface WHAT WAS ALREADY IN MY HEAD

I was also diagnosed with Asperger's which probably explains my academic difficulties, anxiety and depression.

Maybe I have been being too hard on myself, and not wanting to accept that I have difficulties.

After continuing to reflect, I realized that the root of the whole problem was: NOT ACCEPTING MY DIAGNOSIS.

I think I should continue reflecting and try to start a new life

I will also go back to my therapist

I feel like mushrooms helped me open my eyes and realize that I was living a fake life.

Thank you all