what do I do now

TLDR: 2 years of extreme substance use, taking something every single day. It’s catching up to me, it is too unsustainable mentally and physically. What would you do in my position?

2 years ago I began college. 1 week in I discover adderall, it became my crutch. An ailment to my social anxiety, loneliness, lack of belief in myself.

Upgraded to meth pills. Used and used until I flushed them, no joy left in the world. Took months to get out of that neurochemical hell.

Was doing lsd/4AcoDMT about every 5-7 days.

Moved on to dissociative, have done prob 8g of K, 6g of 2FDCK, and 2g of FXE in past 2 years.

Have experimented with dxm a lot as well.

Have been using the fuck out of 1,4 BDO (GHB) the past 12 months. (This has caused me some bad health problems recently, I am dumping it soon)

Then of course throughout all this weed and alcohol was in the background.

This summer I finally got an adderall script and was “diagnosed” with “ADD”. I don’t know whether I have just convinced myself that I have it or not. But I have begun to abuse my script.

And now I’m here. Somehow. I really have no fucking clue how.

It has changed my life, my perspectives, beliefs, absolutely everything. I like to believe that I am much more loving, empathetic, people really do enjoy the energy I bring to life now.

So many incredible psychedelic and disso experiences, the unveiling of truth and ability to see through the curtains.

Yet I’m still haunted by the same things that lead me to this cyclical addiction. My mode of thinking is 100% altered.

I just don’t really know what’s next