This incident still haunts me. I feel like I am living a second life because I feel I died that day. It was the worst thing a living soul can go through. I never knew and underestimated what a bad trip can do and feel like. So here it goes

I am suffering from depression which doesn't seem to go away even after 3 years. Got it all of a sudden and now it doesn't go away. So in my attempt to cure myself since medication doesn't seem to work for me. I grew mushrooms on my own last year and this year too. Last year I tried them and nothing happened. So this time when I grew them I made sure to grow a lot. I ate 3g, 5g all dried but still nothing much, no visuals or anything. So this time I thought of going all in for 8g. And tried to do it with my friend.

So we took 8 g and instantly in 15 mins I could feel the affects and I regretted it too. I wanted to puke but couldn't. We did lemon Trek on an empty stomach. This happened in Feb. I started feeling different, bad and anxiety lots of it. I couldn't handle it. But my friend made me comfortable by talking and all. I felt cold suddenly very chilling. He gave me a blanket. He put on some music and told me to relax. It was intense and I couldn't understand what was happening. Soon the effects started taking in on my. I felt very different out of this world in a good sense this time. I told my friend that now I feel good. Maybe this was after 30-45 mins after taking them. I started getting emotional and told him If he needs anything he can ask me and that I love him. We hugged. I was feeling empathic. Then I could feel like my father. As If I have become him. And I could feel that what he must be going through is that his son has depression I cried a lot bursting out.

My friend tried his best to calm me. And then I could feel a different perspective of people like how a person who's religious feels, how a person who's a writer feels. It felt as if I had lived a thousand lives of different people and understood their perspective. I even said that to my friend. I was having a hard time speaking. From here on things went bad. I felt as if my hands, body were disappearing, I am being vanished. Disintegrating. I told him weird things are happening. He tried to calm me. And then I imagined things very scary like I have become schizophrenia. I started hallucinating and becoming delusional. I imagined my friend to be a Dr who's investing me .asking me questions like how are you feeling today. Reassuring me that mental health is not a big problem. Btw I have no schizophrenic symptoms or anything like that. He told me that I have a body which needs to be fed so I eat and there a people who will take care of me. This was all in my head. He didn't say anything like that when I asked him later. And that was scary. Later I felt my identity dissolving. Reality dissolving. Me losing grip of sanity as if I am going schizophrenic. I started assuring myself that I am who I am I have a family I have a home.

I started saying my name my address where I live and all. And then my friend started insisting we go out. The place where we were was my friends dad workspace full of books and bookshelfs. I started imaging that all those books are lifes and my friend is insisting that I change into another life another person and I am saying I don't want to and he is saying just come out and you will get answer to everything . It felt as if I am going to leave my life like death experience where I am leaving this world and my friend is preparing me to transition into another life. I was 100% convinced that this is death. And then I thought I was going crazy and left reality. Then I felt as if I was stuck in a loop.it was so scary. My dad called at that time I picked up that phone my mind was going nuts I started crying and shouting. I became so panicked and I was in no 100% consciousness. I ran from there of which I have very little and blur memory. It was involuntary. I ran into a neighborhood house and went inside their home. And started banging their door thinking as if it's my house In an attempt to reach reality. Then my father called my brother and an uncle to come there. I was now on the streets,my friend wrestling me to take me inside the house. His family also came out by this time.

They took me in.I was imagining my life was a lie and I am in a simulation. Where the books are universes and my friend's dad created this all simulation. Where every book in the room is a universe. And I am in a loop with my friend trying to explain me that life is nothing it doesn't exist we are in a simulation and I am crying that all this is not true. That I have a life a mother a brother and a girlfriend. Then I started imaging that I created this simulation and that we are trying to find a answer to a question. That's why we have created so many universes. And I have reached the right universe to find the answer. I am shouting that show me the question I know the answer. And it was so freaking crazy and torturing to know that I am in a simulation made by me to find out the answer. Anyway they took me to the hospital and after few minutes I became back to normal.

I am thinking of doing it again but with less grams. Like 5g .has anyone of you had a similar experience which you even won't want your worst enemies to have. I wouldn't even want Hitler to go through this. That was so freaking intense I have PTSD from this whenever I think about this. Should I do it again?