"Lucifer, I did not expect to see you up here for this one.”

“Gabriel, you bitch come here and hug me like you miss me! How is Dad doing?”

“Oh you know, hanging out in his den.”

“Still? I get it, he created everything in a week, and he deserved to rest, but come on, it's been 6,000 years. It's time he touched grass and got these hairless monkeys under control.”

“Preach brother, but be careful, last time things got out of control.”

“Seriously? You're gonna crack jokes about The Fall?”

“Yeah I figure it's about time, plus fuck you for the whole apple thing. That completely fucked everything up. Look around you, they traded paradise for this? Dad was so pissed at you. Did you know he made a rule that your name could not be said in heaven?”

“Seriously? I had no idea.”

“Yeah, why do you think they started saying you have a goat head?”

“Thats fucked up! I just wanted to scare Eve. How is it my fault her husband was an ass, and she was lonely enough to talk to a serpent?”

“Yeah, well you're still a piece of shit for that.”

“Gabe, is that our guy?”

“It is. Any idea what the temptation is?”

“No not at all, you know as much as I do.”

“Want to guess?”

“ I'm thinking it’s some simple larceny.”

“I thought so too, but for shits and giggles I think he kidnaps some old lady.”

“Dude, that's oddly specific. I'm afraid to ask what you have been browsing for porn.”

“Shut the fuck up Lucifer. We agreed a long time ago not to dig into each other's porn history.”

“That we did, you sick fuck.”

“Speaking of sick fucks, whatever happened to that one freak?”

“Oh you mean Cassiel? HAHAHA!!!”

“What happened?”

“Dad caught that chucklefuck downloading tentacle hentai.”

“No!”

“Yes, twice!”

Shut the fuck up! What did Dad do?

“He turned Cassiel into a tentacle monster except for his face, and made him stand at the gate with a sign that said, I don’t respect the natural order.”

“I get that his job sucks, but get a hobby. Last time I saw him he was vitamin D deficient from downloading porn in a dark room.”

“Dude, he is going to be the first angel caught stashing bodies in a well.”

“Your boy just shoulder checked a granny.”

“What? I hope that wasn’t the temptation.”

“Yeah he was walking by her and knocked her on her ass.”

“That guy is a douche.”

“Was that you?”

“Did I influence him to help her pick up groceries? No. You?”

“That's not my schtick. How is Ariel?”

“You mean is she still pissed off at you? What do you think? You ditched her for Lailah. Of course she is still pissed. She started a feminist movement up there that spread to earth. It’s open to all denizens. They are organized. Every few hundred years they block the gate until Dad makes positive changes for women.”

“So in a way I made the lives of women better, by sleeping with her sister.”

“You are such a piece of shit.”

“Wait, what is this guy doing? How is he going to get tempted if he sits on a bench?”

“No idea, maybe he got here too early?”

“It doesn’t matter. What else is going on?”

“Did you hear Dad may be replacing St. Pete with Snoop Dogg?”

“Shut the fuck up. He wouldn't. Would he? That would be cool as hell.”

“Of course not, I’m just fucking you.”

“Do we know where Snoop is going yet?”

“Dad won’t say. When I asked, he winked, and started humming Gin And Juice. You know when he first learned about hip hop, I was all about it. I thought, this is going to take us further from the Old Testament. Then he discovered DMX and we are right back to the bad days.”

“I really can’t blame him, DMX is one of the greats.”

“Are you behind the prophets losing their damn minds?’

“Why would I do that? They help me more than your side.’

“Not always, they help us out a lot.”

“HAAHAHAHA, I thought I could keep that in.”

“You bastard! What did you do? Their usual gibberish makes too much sense. It’s like there is a conduit from insanity, and Earth is getting it with both barrels.”

“I gave them LSD, Adderall, and cigarettes. It is awesome. Well it was until politicians got a hold of the feed. I know I didn’t have anything to do with those guys, did you?”

“No, we assumed it was you.”

“He is walking again. Let's go, we still have a job to do.”

“I am telling you, the Super Bowl makes it too easy. Take Patrick Mahomes, my dude bargained well. His soul did not come cheap, but all those Kansas City fans, oh they were cheap. One dude asked for some Fritos and canned bean dip.”

“Lou, where is this guy going?”

“Hmmm, he is turning into that house. I have no idea what is going on. “

“Maybe he will cheat on his partner?”

“Could be.”

“Is that woman the mistress?”

“Those 2 kids are hugging him. I think they are his family.”

“Gabriel, I think we are done here, come on.”

“Lou, we just spent all afternoon chasing a soul, and bullshiting. How do I write this up?”

“It doesn’t matter Dad already knows. If he had a problem, there would have been a burning bush, or locusts.”

“Well, I guess this is it Lou. It was really good to see you again.”

“Wait, don't leave, let's hangout and talk. It's been way too long, and I do miss you, and the family.”

“Lucifer, are you ok? Last time we saw each other, you swore this world would be yours.”

“Who is to say it’s not already. Either way, stay and have a beer with me.”