So, picture this. A kidnapper takes 5 different people to his secret jail and handcuffs each one to a metal pole, at least 4 feet from the other person. Two poles stand on each side of the walls, and one pole stands alone in the center.

This is like a better version of that shitty 9 Dead movie, but without a garbage ending. So prepared to be spooked soon.

5 people are kidnapped; mlg quickscoper ShaunBDope, Walmart Cashier neckbeard KyleNoGod, an emo lady MichelleLovesSonic, Snowplow mom JessicaSpeaks2Manager, and the town pedophile, Skipper.

The kidnapper puts all of them next to their assigned poles and makes them answer the question "why are the 5 of you retarded in your own ways?" Every 5 minutes, he'll kill someone if they haven't learned the answer yet.

He leaves, to let the 5 prisoners talk.

"M'lady, please, I have the IQ of 190", says the Kyle.

"Wow! You are truly my favorite person!", says Jessica the mom.

The two of them talk about books for 3 minutes while ShaunBDope and Michelle try to find the answer. Skipper interrupts, flirting with the boy.

"Hey, wanna go to the park after all this?", he asks.

"Fokoff m8, ur probly n0t even MLG FaZe bruh I own u i make u bitch", says Shaun, in his prepubescent voice.

Skipper goes quiet, and Shaun and Michelle continue to try and figure out the essential question. Kyle and Jessica finish their conversation about naughty videogames and join in to try and figure out the truth.

"Well, obviously nobody is going to doubt my intellectual intelligence, so I'm off the hook", says Kyle, flipping his fedora to shade his face.

The kidnapper returns. With no clear answer to the essential question, he shoots Jessica the mom.

The four scream in horror. Shaun starts crying like a bitch for 2 minutes and Kyle stands their reading Naruto quotes to fit her death. Michelle screams saying that she has the perfect emo hair at the moment for a perfect 2005 camera mirror selfie, but can't seem to reach for her phone. Oh yeah, she's handcuffed.

The four can't seem to figure out "why they are all retarded."

Shaun starts humming darude dankstorm and blows a vape. Kyle sits in the back breathing heavily. Michelle complains like a bitch. Skipper watches Sean.

The kidnapper returns, and blows Kyle's brains out. The three remaining scream once again, and he leaves.

Skipper says, "maybe the answer is that we are all secretly pedophilic? Is that what makes us retarded?" The two others shake their heads in doubt.

Michelle, after endless fits with the handcuffs, is finally able to break free. She reaches for her phone and begins texting her 5 online sexual predators. Skipper and Sean beg for her to help them get free as well, but she continues standing there, messaging obvious catfish accounts on Facebook.

"I'll help you guys if you accept that emo isn't a trend!"

The two say eff that, and the kidnapper returns after 5 minutes of his previous departure. He asks the essential question, and Michelle responds "we have the answer, but my telepathic mind wouldn't let you comprehend what I'm saying!" He shoots Michelle in the heart. Skipper and Sean stare with sadness.

"Fok u m8" replies Sean. He whoops out a counter-strike knife that he secretly bought with his mom's paypal. He somehow whips it at the kidnapper, but he catches it mid-air. The kidnapper takes off his hood to show that he has emo yellow hair and a blue neckbeard. The two prisoners scream in disgust.

"I am one too... a.. a special one." And shoots Sean before he blows his own brains out.

Skipper picks up their dead bodies and plays house for 2 hours, and finally, some police arrive. They realize that Skipper was wanted as an animal rapist and shoot him on the spot. Rip.