Coming soon - Get a detailed view of why an account is flagged as spam!
view details

This post has been de-listed

It is no longer included in search results and normal feeds (front page, hot posts, subreddit posts, etc). It remains visible only via the author's post history.

7
Insight into a former YWD leader's mind
Post Body

Hello everybody! I have been checking out this forum on and off for the last year or so. I was a former SGI member for about 3 years and within my first year was promoted to YWD leadership. Never mind that I barely knew anything about the practice, history, procedures or really anything at all. The fact that I am a personable and attractive young woman was all that I needed-- plus my sheepish belief in the practice.

Like many, I was converted at an extremely low point in my life where I was emotionally vulnerable. I was definitely love bombed and really did have some amazing faith experiences. I actually did benefit a LOT in that first year or 2 of chanting. But on to the bad stuff...

I am so excited to be able to share all my insights as a former leader and to listen to other people's stories. I hope to help potential newcomers make a more informed decision about the SGI before they get sucked in deep like I was.

I have always been a controlling type of person. I am quite extroverted and can be very charming, friendly though dominant in many situations. At my best, I am a person that people easily trust and feel comfortable around. At my worst, which is what the SGI brought out of me- my desire for control gets out of hand.

Leaders of each division are expected to call and become friends with those in their division, whether or not we actually authentically connect with those people. I created so many fake friendships under the guise of being a YWD leader. All I actually wanted to do was control them.

Often, the only young women who joined the cult or who kept coming to meetings were very needy and emotionally fragile, or had some mental/emotional problems. I felt powerful and important for having some control of these people's lives: getting them to come to meetings, or meet to chant, or do presentations. I honestly would get some sort of endorphin high whenever I got a person to commit to doing something for the SGI.

I have no idea if this is how other leaders feel, but I can bet you that at least some of them do. And it's fucked up, obviously.

I am lucky and blessed as shit that I have become self aware and brave enough to step away from the SGI. I made up my mind and didn't tell anyone until a month later. I refused all "visits" and even told a couple other YWD leaders that I could no longer be in contact with them or anyone from SGI.

It could have been soooo easy continuing to get all the love bombing I got, and get off on my sick high of trying to manipulate and control these young women. I really do think it's an addiction- that sense of power and importance you feel you have as an SGI leader.

When I told the other leaders that I was leaving the SGI, I really didn't get much pushback. I made it seem like I was just "taking a break," but I knew I would never go back. I think they felt less threatened and more willing to be nice to me because I always had a pretty strong sense of boundaries for myself with other people in the cult. They also probably knew I could make their lives hell if they made mine difficult... most likely they were afraid of bad press from me to the YWD that I was still hanging out with at the time.

Anyway, I'm sure there's lots more for me to say but I will stop here for now. Please respond with any questions if you have them. I'm happy to help.

Author
Account Strength
100%
Account Age
5 years
Verified Email
Yes
Verified Flair
No
Total Karma
16,105
Link Karma
3,797
Comment Karma
12,120
Profile updated: 5 days ago
Posts updated: 1 year ago
Mod

Subreddit

Post Details

We try to extract some basic information from the post title. This is not always successful or accurate, please use your best judgement and compare these values to the post title and body for confirmation.
Posted
5 years ago