One of the things I miss the most about not having an AP is a connection that lovers share even when they’re not together. Waking up in the morning and reaching for the phone to see if maybe there is a short little note feeling that sense of happiness that runs through me when I see it. I love going through my daily routines and having her pop into my mind at random times and just having a short mental holiday as I reflect on her. I enjoy the little things like sending her short texts in the middle of the day just to say hi and hopefully put a smile on her face and those conversations by chat and telephone - just going through our days, our thoughts, sharing what’s going on.

It is sweet having that secret distraction in my mind and life.

And then of course the more tangible: that sense of excitement of anticipation in counting the days or hours until we get together, seeing the sparkle in her eye, that first embrace, the kiss. The feel of her skin as I hold her and wiggle my hands underneath her clothing. Kissing, touching, smelling, tasting. Exploring her body and bringing her pleasure. Remembering what she likes and doing that with her - feeling her body respond to my touch and that amazing sense of pleasure I get as I bring her to orgasm.

I miss the after love as well lying there spooning in that post orgasmic bliss breathing together maybe A short nap together. Perhaps I will be the first to wake and slowly caress you in that gentle way which hopefully will bring me back to yearning and excitement and more wetness. Or perhaps I will wait to find your hands or mouth on me. I love laying there with you in the afterglow, touching you as we talk - our thoughts lost in and conversation sweet and free.

We will enjoy your time together- however much time we have this particular day and then we will have a sweet sticky wet kiss goodbye until the next time. And yes I also miss the other things. Bringing you small treats, things I have baked or cooked, flowers, just little things to make you smile. Meeting you for coffee or going on a hike.

I’m not gonna change your situation whatever it is nor do I want you to change mine. But I certainly miss that special enhancement.

It’s been over a year since I finally called it quits with my last AP. I think I’m ready...