I got a little bit too much into the Christmas spirit recently.

My problem as a 28 year old American male is that I've slowly been crushing on my female cousin for years now. A lady that's beautiful, spoiled, always has things go her way, is presently in a relationship and always has men fawning over her. Not to mention her closet is overflowing. A lot of people might think of her as a bitch, a term I honestly wouldn't say is accurate but she's definitely spoiled and can act like a princess.

One day not too long before Christmas, I plunged and bought her two different pairs of Uggs that cost almost $400. I know she loves Uggs, it's a premium brand and I honestly think her feet are cute as hell so it felt right. Whether it was out of loneliness, lust, being over-eager or a combination of each, I don't know. I do know that I overstepped my boundaries and shouldn't have done that. Despite this knowledge, I resisted returning them and embarassingly still gifted her the Uggs anyways. For context, I also gave her a $100 Macys gift card. Our normal for Christmas has been something worth $100 for years now. The Uggs were in addition.

I feel immense regret and guilt buying way too much for her. Especially because I know there's sexual, submissive undertones to my purchase. At the same contradicting time, paying for those Uggs was exciting beyond belief. As someone that never understood financial domination, I totally get it now.

I know I shouldn't feel this way. Not for any girl, yet alone my own cousin.