Sorry for the long post, its going to have a lot of rambling and for obvious reasons I'm posting this on a random account I just created, I'm sorry if that causes problems. I've reached a point where I can conclude there is something off with me, I just don't know what. To start off I've never had a crush before, the one "crush" that I thought I had; I realized as I got older and learned as to what is in a relationship, I simply wanted to be a closer friend with her. I was in a new school and there was a bit of a language barrier but I knew we had a lot of the same interests and I grew obsessed just wanting to be able to talk comfortably with each other and trust each other. However no sexual activities was in my mind, sure maybe some affectionate talk but that's all. I'm currently 19 at the moment and I've never had a girlfriend and yet I still feel happy and don't feel like I have a piece missing in me. I'm happy living my life alone just doing the hobbies I like and going out with friends. The idea of being in a relationship feels more like a chore to me. I'm fine having affectionate talk and touch but I don't know if that could just be me being affectionate. When I stop and try to analyze what a dream girl for me may be, what comes to mind is honestly just a banger friend that I could have fun with and talk with but yet there is an exclusivity in only females that I'm fine with them talking and behaving affectionate with me. What makes things even more confusing for me is that I still feel arousal. A girl could do erotic things and that would turn me on but I don't know why I don't fantasize about sexual activities with girls that I "like". I also masturbate, a fair amount. However I didn't masturbate for the first time until 17. I never felt the urge to, sure I would get turned on but I never felt to proceed and masturbate. It just reached a point where all the hype of the people and media got me to try it out, as silly as that sounds. It felt good and I wouldn't mind doing it more but yet again, I still don't feel any urge to proceed with my arousal and masturbate.

In conclusion I guess, I feel sexual arousal from females to the point I could masturbate, but I don't have an urge to actually have sexual activities. I don't have any crushes nor never had, I just want those people to be closer then basic friends but I don't feel an urge to have sexual activies with those people. I can live perfectly fine being on my own doing what I like and hanging out with my friends.