I thought for a while that it didn't affect me that much I mean I thought about it here and there and felt different emotions but I didn't think it affected me any other way. Actually I have anxiety and sometimes feel nervous around men but it became normal for me so I wouldn't look at it as a trigger but I thought I healed from it. My back history is I was molested by my older brother for a WHILE it's hard for me to remember exact details of days and ages now I was maybe around 5-8 authorities did find out eventually and he was removed from the home. A little down the road around 12-15 on 2 different occasions 2 different bfs of my mother it happened again. The first time my mother said she will still be with the guy after he got out of jail(he only got caught cause of also sexting a minor). The 2nd time i immediately told my mom what happened and she went and asked him and didn't believe me and of course he lied about it. What makes me upset the most is my mother responses like she didn't even give a shit. The last year or 2 I recently had new attractions towards men . Im a masc lesbian well I thought I now identify as pansexual but since I started messing with guys I realized I cant be penetrated b/c I can't relax also can't relax at Pap smear apts I thought something else was going on and my obyn took one look at me and said it's mental b/c she noticed I was clenching together my hands and my body language. It made me wonder if it's from being molested? I believe I did grow a fear after the 3rd person of being raped. Also other survivors do you still communicate with family members? If they was ur attacker or even someone like my mom who made comments like that cause right now I don't ever wanna talk to her again . Thanks if you reply sometimes I feel as if I have no one to talk to about this. I can't get a therapist right now.