last night after a super drunk night out i let someone i’ve been on 2 dates with come over after he asked but specified i didn’t want to do anything if he were to come. he said okay. he came over and tried to make me do everything for what felt like an hour. honestly it’s a blur i was so drunk. but i remember saying “we can’t”. he just kept pushing. i think i just went numb and gave up trying to stop it and let him do whatever. i feel disgusting. part of me feels like it wasn’t assault because i eventually let him. but why did he keep pushing when i told him what to expect beforehand? i haven’t cried at all either, i just feel completely empty. i don’t know what was going through his head, like maybe i did seem like i wanted it? there’s pieces i remember and they make me physically sick and i can’t get it out of my head. i was on my period and had a tampon in and intentionally didn’t take it out because i didn’t want to have sex. he just put it in anyway. i’m going back to therapy but honestly i was already in a dark place and this just set it all off. i feel like i’m out of my body, not sure what to do moving forward. does anyone have any advice on how to cope or deal with this immediately after? thank you