I’m a M36 and just want to share this with someone other than my wife. She’s been great but it’s like it’s been dealt with, packed away and we’ve moved on. Only my mental triggers, memories and want for revenge are still there. More on this later.

When I was between the ages or 5 and 12, my step sister sexually assaulted me. She was 5 years older than me.

She would coerce me into ‘innocent little games ’ and oral favours, and on one of my earliest memories of this, she tried to ‘show me’ penetrative sex. This went on for years. “Don’t tell Mum”.

When my wife and I had our first kid, the crying and screaming triggered uncontrollable feelings in me, so I went to see a psychologist. She was amazing.

She identified something else as the real cause, and one day during a session it hit me right there and then. Memories of what happened, that my brain had blocked out for years.

What did having a child trigger? Loss of control Crying (we also had moderate domestic violence at home, apparently my Dad smashed all the pictures in my room when I was an infant, because I wouldn’t stop crying. )

It was very liberating acknowledging this all happened to me. But now I want acknowledgement from my sister. She’s moved to Cairns as she obviously can’t face what has now come to the surface. The fact that she abused a fucking 5yr old boy as a 10yr old girl, then later as a 17 year old

I’m stuck in this halfway point of recovery and healing. It explains so much of my anger, want for violence in a past life, and a constant desire to prove prove prove my worth.

Thanks for listening. My journey continues. It’s so hard not to fly to Cairns and ruin her life in person.

Shitty detail. I told my parents what she did. Dad - horrified. Mum- “I knew, I thought she’d stopped. I caught you two in the act once”.

Mum didn’t so much as question her. (Mum and Dad are divorced)