I remembered what happened to me when I was 5-7. I can’t remember what age I was exactly but I would guess about 6. I was digging into my brain and trying to journal it instead of losing track of my thoughts like always. I thought about it too hard and remembered. I remembered him and how I would go into his room. I remember being on the rough floor and the feelings I had. I remember being violated and feeling absolute betrayal and confusion. The somatic flashbacks rushed in like a freight train and I’m having trouble bearing it. I can’t stop thinking about it if the sensations are lingering in my body. I can feel the pain and I can feel the way my body felt at the time. Unable to process the emotions and unable to understand what my body was going through. I regret journaling so intensely without having a therapist or mental health professional to help support me. I feel empty and I also feel everything. I feel like I should have figured it out sooner but I also wish I hadn’t remembered it at all. I need help. What do I do? How do I get through the flashbacks, the feelings and the sensations? I can’t do it.