I feel like when people talk about sa it’s seen as such a black and white thing when in reality…at least for me it seems so much more complicated.

The person who sa’d me was my friend. I knew him for 4 years before anything happened. He was nice and funny. I told him i was a lesbian very soon after becoming friends with him and he totally understood that. He occasionally asked weird questions but we were young teens and talking about sex was very normal. I never got a feeling of being unsafe around him.

After he sa’d me although i hated him for what he did i still loved him (as a friend). It’s been over a year and tbh i still do. I would never admit that to anyone. I tried talking about it once before but immediately stopped because people thought that it meant i liked what he did.

What he did was horrible and in many ways it feels like it has completely ruined my life. I have no idea what was going through his head or what told him that it was acceptable even after i said no. But he isn’t just pure evil. He was a good friend and if im being honest the day i hung out with him when it happened wasn’t all bad. Some of our conversation was enjoyable. I just wish people talked about this part of sa more. I feel like a bad human for liking the person who hurt me.