In August I (42f) experienced sexual pressure from my BF (49m) of a year. We were quite high and having sex and suddenly he kept pressuring me to remove condoms. Like, asking repeatedly over the period of about 30 minutes...telling me he wouldn't tell anyone, pressing against me without a condom on, and getting pretty frustrated. I didn't give in but this has really fucked me up.

BF has apologized a lot, has been called out by our mutual friends who I told in a moment of weakness, and has been nothing but lovely since. But, I still (5 months later) have days when I just can't move past it. At the time it happened, I completely melted down for days afterwards. And I've since cycled through less and less intense but still fairly intense episodes of similar feelings.

The feelings are that I'm worthless, that I can't trust someone I love, that I can't make good decisions for myself or my family, that I've ruined everything with my mutual friends and for my BF with those friends. I feel I can't talk to anybody because when I do people wonder why I'm still processing or why I'm still with him. I'm really messed up about it and I guess I'm looking for validation of those feelings, and thoughts on moving past them...