Back in HS I was pressured heavily into having sex with this girl I’d known since middle school. I happened to see her at the end of the school day and she asked if I wanted to catch up because she’d had a bunch of wild shit she wanted to share with me that had happened over the years, and I obliged. We picked up the food and she asked if I wanted to kick it at her house and kill time since I had a while until band practice. I originally told her no because I had a gf and the idea gave me a bad feeling, but she insisted nothing would happen and that she’d had platonic guy friends over lots of times so not worry. We get to her house, are just talking and watching family guy. She goes on to tell me this story about how she hooked up with one of her coworkers and asked me for my advice about it. She was very detailed about her escapades and could tell I was visibly uncomfortable. I know this because she expressed it and asked if I was okay. I didn’t really know how to respond, but before I know it she’s touching my legs and rubbing my thighs. I froze because everything was so awkward to me. She asked me if I wanted to fool around upstairs and I told her no. She kept pressuring me and insisting it would be quick, and even damn near begged. I went to the bathroom to hide and clear my head for a bit, but she told me she’d be waiting upstairs. The logical thing to do would have been leave, but I was far from home and school, didn’t know anyone with a car, and she was my ride, so I felt like I’d be stranded. I go upstairs to tell her I don’t want to do it and she literally backs me up against a wall, continues to beg and touch me, and honestly I just wanted to get out asap so I went along with it. I felt terrible before, during, and after. I kid you not I literally cried the entire ride back to school. Not only because I had just cheated on my gf, but also because it was forced and I felt so imasculated by the situation. I also now am pretty confident she gave me an sti unfortunately. She knew she’d fucked up as she apologized profusely, avoided me heavily ever since then and pretty much went mia. I’ve only ever told one person, but I’m guessing she mentioned it because other people found out. I still think about it to this day, why didn’t I just leave? Sometime later on I got passed this and somehow we ended up hooking up, but it was consensual on both ends this time which has also confused me because I felt immense guilt returning to someone who’d assaulted me. It made me question was I even actually sexually assaulted to begin with because it didn’t make since that I’d try again willingly. Idk if it’s because I thought maybe having a choice in the matter would make me feel better about the situation, or maybe we bonded over the trauma, but the whole thing is still so confusing to me. What do y’all think?