TL;DR - I want to feel more connected to my FWB during sex. She keeps eyes closed, can't do penetration, doesn't really want to be seen/watched, and wants to always be pleasuring me while I pleasure her. Not sure how to say "relax, let me enjoy you! Look at me and connect with me!"

She can't do penetrative sex bc of a condition which she got surgery to correct a year ago. Basically it's too tight and she's recently started using dilators to stretch, but it's a process.

So! I go down on her, we 69, she uses her vibe, gives HJs, I jerk off on her, that stuff. She doesn't like fingers or my tongue in her bc of trauma from it being too tight which I totally get.

She generally wants to be mutually pleasuring each other. She says it gets her out of her head to be doing something and not just receiving. She also doesn't often give BJs, saying she's self-conscious being watched. Also, keeps her eyes closed most of the time.

I want to be conscious of all this. I know it's a delicate thing. But for me, my ideal is to have a good amount of eye contact and a trade off of giving/receiving. It gets me off to see her react to what I do, and see her go down on me.

I want to have sex with HER and sometimes it feels like I'm just kind of fucking, like, body parts. A hot-as-fuck body, sure, but without those ways of connecting it's feeling a little mechanical. It's like, in 69, I'm working on my area and she's working on hers. Or when I am jerking off to cum on her, she closes her eyes and it feels, like, creepy. Like, I'm not there with her, I'm just there with a body. Then I get in my head like why doesn't she want to look at me.

Meanwhile. We're actual friends, and when we hang out outside the bedroom there's easy eye contact and openness.

This post is rambley. I'm trying to find the words to bring it up to her, without sounding demanding or judgmental. Thanks!