I (m32) have been dating the girl of my dreams for 4 months now. She is smart, experienced (a year older than me) and insanely hot. Whenever we're out men drool over her and often try to approach her as soon as I am not close by. Our sex life so far has been amazing, i've had my share of experiences and relationships by this point but nothing has ever come close to the way she makes me feel. It feels like all we do is f' for hours on end. I have never had a partner with a sex drive that strong and I feel completely in tune with her as far fantasies and kinks go. The place we live in (italy) is very conservative when it comes to sex, and she has told me lots of times how men she dated and liked got extremely insecure, possessive and judgy when they found out just how much she likes to do it and how kinky she really is. I feel like I'm very different on that front, I always try to stay away from jelousy as it feels childish and restrictive to me, the stereotype of a possessive mediterranean guy which most guys in my city try to (at least) project always bored me, and I rarely feel insecure about my sexual prowess. In many ways this has been the secret to our wonderful erotic dynamic: I love her kinkyness but am especially turned on by the fact that she feels free to live it out with me. So far we have done lots of things that where new to me, like doing it in public places, recording ourself, bondage and rough/kinky stuff in general. For a while now we have been incorporating the idea of her getting f'ed by others in our dirty talk, and I might even have been the origin of that. I find it absolutely natural that she fantasizes about having sex with other men and am extremely turned on by the fact that she feels comfortable exploring those kind of fantasies with me. At the same time i'd like to clarify that i'm not at all interested in an open relationship. Right now I don't care about any other girls and cherish the intimacy that comes from us being monogamous. It's precisely the tabu element of having those thoughts while being committed to each other that turns me on, so I tried to make this as clear as possible and even stayed away from this kind of fantasy for a while, but it just keeps coming up when we do it. The scenario goes something like this: while i'm away on holiday or something, she starts to feel an uncontrollable desire to be railed by someone, so she texts me and begs for my permission to go out and get f'ed. I toy around with her for a while and finally end up giving her my blessing if she promises to be a good little slut and that she will be thinking about me the whole time. Often times the simple thought of this scenario is enough to make her cum and, to be honest, it turns me on a lot as well. The problem is that even though I love the fantasy I'm not sure that I'd really like for it to be true. I often have the feeling that some fantasies are hotter if they never actualize, and this one might just be one of those. It isn't a simple matter of jealousy (even tho it certainly is a factor), I'm scared of the awkwardness it would produce, the fact that we would somewhat let a third person be part of our intimacy with potentially disruptive consequences. During our daily life we rarely talk about it, but the fantasy keeps coming up while we do it, sometimes I end up being the initiator despite all my doubts. She gets extremely turned on by it but also keeps asking me if I wouldn't feel jealous about this, which I can't really answer, since I often DO feel jealous but also get really turned on when i suspend those feelings. I get the feeling that the idea which wasn't much other than a tabu game in the beginning is getting more and more concrete in her head and I'm getting kind of scared of actually getting that text from her, since I don't actually know how i would respond. The ambivalence is starting to tear at my mind. Even tho I'm well aware that the way out of this conundrum is to be open and communicate, I'm wondering if anybody has had experiences in those kind of scenarios that they'd like share with me to help me deal with my ambivalent feeling. Maybe I just needed to vent a little. It's cool to have places like reddit where one can express these thoughts without taking risks, so thanks for listening to me.