I (20F) used to engage in SOC (sex on chat) with this guy (22M) I used to talk to. It was so frequent. I know him in person, he's even my classmate, but we did SOC more often than we went on dates. I sent so many nudes (pictures and videos) over the year that I lost count. We probably did SOC every week.

He cheated on me last September for another girl he had just met, but whenever I feel horny, I go back to screenshots of our old sexts and then finger myself to them. I used to love the way he would talk about my body and how cute and hot and sexy I am and how big my boobs have gotten when I gained weight. I used to love the way he would tell me he wants to touch and kiss my boobs and suck on my nipples.

I used to love how he'd order me to remove my clothes one by one, lower my panties, show him my boobs. I used to love how he'd tell me to finger myself, insert my finger all the way, then make it two. I used to love it when he'd tell me to ride a pillow, caress my breasts, and moan his name.

Maybe it's just me, but I get super horny whenever I think about how he used to lust after me.

Is that okay? Or am I messed up? Hahaha. My mental health was a bit affected by that situation, and I feel like he just used me for my body. But I don't know why I do this. I'm confused myself.