So I’ve never made a post before and I’m not rlly sure how to explain all of this bc it is a long story but I’ll try and get to the details. When my brother and I were younger we got curious as all kids do well so I think anyways and we practised kissing,he’s older then me and was watching porn at that time and was interested in knowing how it felt and asked me and showed me how he wanted me to give him head. it was only touching and oral for a while and then he asked to fuck me and he tried to put his tip in me but bc I was a virgin I freaked out as it hurt sm, I sat up put my clothes on and left the room. anyways fast forward like 5-7 years later we go on a family trip and him and I have to share a hotel room to ourselves as it was cheaper for our parents as I also have other siblings. we start drinking a little around 7 pm and we start getting rlly drunk and we started to cuddle it was all innocent just me laying on his arm and we start talking about rlly deep shit (I have past trauma) and I mentioned that he nearly took my virginity and we start talking about it for a little and that over the years I kinda thought about wanting it to happen again and he wanted it to happen to,we keep talking for another couple hours about it and other things. Anyways I role over and we start spooning and I was so scared and nervous about rejection or him telling my parents but I grabbed his hand and put it on my ass and he whispered in my ear am I sure, I said yes he asked is this really happening I said yes. He starts groping my ass and massaging it and I slowly grab his hand and bring it up to my tits (I’m about a b-c cup) he starts massaging and after a bit he asks me to give him head, I hesitate and talk about terms and conditions ect ect and then he roles over pulls his pants down and I kid you not he is atleast 9 inches, I only was able to take 5 inches in my mouth before I started to gag and spit all over his dick I start getting into it and he asks if I want hesd once again I was hesitant but I allowed him to and he licked me so gently and sweetly making me cum on his tongue in about 10 mins, I go to sit on his dick after I was finished but we freaked out bc we didn’t have a condom and I’m not on birth control so I just continue giving him head until he came and I swallowed it. After that is was quite awkward I felt the weirdness in the air we both rolled over facing away from eachother and went to sleep and didn’t/ still havnt spoken about it. Now Ik there might be spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes so I apologise for that, this story is real and I genuinely need advise bc I fantasise about riding him and taking such a big dick but he has a gf now and I have a bf and ik it would be wrong and I fear that he will reject me. If u have any questions on what my body looks like I could post a photo or 2. Someone give me guidance I feel like a bad person for fantasising about this and touching myself to the thought of him.