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Part 56

As she walked away, I knew she’d turn back to see if I was looking at her, and something came over me. I did something I never thought I’d do in a million years—I met her gaze and didn’t look away until she did. It was exhilarating!

It was my own little victory for the night.

As I drove home, I felt good. It was a good day. It was such a different feeling from what my life was before. Prior to this whole Gabriel thing—because, let’s be honest, everything that was happening in my life started and ended with Gabriel—my life had been very boring, isolated, and lonely. I used to spend days without talking to a single real-life person. Nothing. Everything I did happened online and through text. I would even dare say that, since that whole thing happened with Eric, I hadn’t had physical contact with anyone—not even Mom. Then suddenly, Gabriel waltzed his happy ass into my life, and the next thing I know, I’m hugging and talking to people all the fucking time. Yes, even Mom.

My life seemed to be taking quite an unexpected turn. Apparently, I was on my way to learning martial arts and, hopefully, getting half as fit as Chrissie was. I was attending meetings where people had no qualms about talking openly about very uncomfortable aspects of relationships, and dates with my boyfriend seemed inevitable… not to mention dates with his girlfriend? Our girlfriend? Fuck, I needed to get some clarification on this!

Chrissie was awesome—funny, smart… I’ll admit she did push my boundaries, but I didn’t mind it as much as I thought I would. In reality, they were both flying right past my boundaries, and I was waving them through happily, which I really didn’t expect.

Even my admission to Chrissie about liking her butt was super crazy for me, but it was also… liberating? I mean, the night before, I’d almost explicitly told Gabriel that I was on board with him fucking my lips. Almost. But it’s something!

I was shocked at the number of things I’d been saying lately—not just saying them, but doing them and being willing to do more. I wondered why that was. Could I have just been sitting around waiting for someone to unlock these things out of me, or were they new? I guess they were new—new to me, anyway… and what difference did it make? None.

The old me would’ve crawled right into my own belly button before admitting to a woman, to her face, that I liked her butt. And the lip-fucking thing? She would’ve rather rolled herself into a joint and smoked herself.

Even my masturbation sessions were boring. I can’t even imagine what I used to think about when I did it—everything was so abstract. And now look at you, Red, looking forward to your boyfriend doing who knows what to your lips! The old Red would have a cow… well, she can go have a cow; I’ll have whatever Gabriel wants me to have! And maybe Chrissie… I don’t know. But I obviously didn’t hate the idea.

Of course, I was going to keep that under my proverbial hat until I knew more about how I felt. Besides, I didn’t think I should be rushing into anything. First, I had to at least get comfortable with Gabriel, but he was moving fast, so who could tell?

The reality is that I was super focused solely on Gabriel, but lingering thoughts just kept popping in without rhyme or reason, and Chrissie’s advances(?) really did not help minimize the situation.

There was a side of me that wondered if I was attracted to women, or if it was just the newness of all of it, or was it just Chrissie… or was I just an “ass-woman”? I certainly knew for a fact that I liked men… well, I didn’t like men, per se—I liked Gabriel. Going “boy crazy” is not something I actually saw myself doing; it’s just not my thing, one man is all I could imagine myself having, and Chrissie was super right, I had chosen Gabriel.

I always saw myself as monogamous… well, that’s a lie. Before Gabriel, I considered myself asexual—just me, my hand, and my nipple. But leave it to Gabriel to come in and start pushing buttons, pulling levers, flipping switches, and putting vibrators in people’s hands, and here we are… absolutely not asexual anymore.

It seems like my whole life, I’d been jumping from one confusion to the next, except this one had other people involved, and it felt a lot more real than anything I had ever experienced before.

I also always saw myself as a jealous person, but apparently, I’m not. I am fully aware of the fact that Gabriel and Chrissie have a romantic and sexual relationship, and it doesn’t bother me. I won’t lie and say that I was happy for them, as Chrissie suggested, but it just didn’t bother me… The question was, would I rather be in THAT room or in my room, playing Hearts on Yahoo Games? I guess that’s a question for another day.

Anyway, as I approached my house, I started wondering just what Gabriel had in mind for me and why I was fasting. Ha! Did it have anything to do with the whole lip thing? Was he afraid I was going to gag and puke all over town? I thought about looking at videos of, you know, lip-fucking or something similar, but I’d rather just be surprised—porn could be so over-the-top. I knew I wasn’t against the idea, and that was all I needed to know.

I asked myself if I really wanted to do the whole thing and concluded that it wasn’t something I wanted to do, per se… it was something I wanted to do with Gabriel, or for Gabriel, or for both, maybe even for me. We’d see which one it was going to be soon enough.

As I walked into the house, I saw the familiar sight of Mom on the couch, on her phone. I walked up to her, kissed her forehead, and said, “Hello.” She told me she’d gotten some new tea for us to try and that the water was ready, it just needed to boil. She looked so excited, and I felt bad turning her down—her face was practically glowing. I asked her to wait for me; I was going to take a quick shower and then I’d join her.

I really didn’t know what to do. I was under strict directions to only drink water, but Mom was actually trying to spend time with me, and I wanted to. I knew Gabriel would understand, but I also didn’t want to break the routine he’d set for me. Mom’s excitement, though—it was hard to ignore.

I decided to text Gabriel, saying, “Sir, I am home! I had a great time with Chrissie today, thank you for making me do it. I’ve been good and have not eaten anything after 7, but Mom wants to have tea. Is that OK with you? 💋💋🫖🫖🍵🍵” and then I jumped in the shower. I figured that would give him enough time to answer. If he said no, I would just have water and let Mom know I was fasting… but the questioning afterward was going to be brutal!

When I came out of the shower, I felt clean and fresh; after all, I had been carrying the stink from all those people in class on me… yuk! I have this habit of always smelling my clothes before I put them on and after I take them off, and that day, I paid dearly for that habit. It smelled exactly as you’d expect after rolling around on sweaty mats for over an hour… how the fruckles did Chrissie manage to still smell good after all that? Perfect jiggly bitch.

I picked up my phone and found a message from Gabriel saying, “Hello, beautiful. I am so pleased that you enjoyed your time with Chrissie, but I am certain that we will talk about it tomorrow. Yes, you may have tea with your mom, but only decaffeinated, and stay away from adding anything to it. Thank you for being mine, and I will see you at 10 tomorrow morning.”

I replied, “Thank you, Sir! Have a great night, and I can’t wait for tomorrow! 💋💋💋💋”

I know what you’re thinking—I was hoping for the same thing, but nope… nothing.

Off I went to the kitchen, where I found Mom at the table with tea served for two. I kind of think she was listening for the shower—she’s nosey like that. Nevertheless, I sat down and said, “Thanks, Mama. How was your day?” She did not disappoint and said, “Just another day, hun. Another day, another dollar.”—hmm, there’s that answer again. I thought I should bring it up to her, but not now.

Then she asked what I had done that day and pointed out my outfit when I came in—the spandex and the T-shirt. I explained that I had started taking martial arts classes, to which she replied, “What the hell has gotten into you? Does Gabriel have a wife or something that you need to defend yourself from?”—ha! No, but he does have another girlfriend, but we’ll keep that to ourselves—who needs the lecture?

I laughed and said, “No, Mother, he does not have a wife. He just likes to know that if something happens, I’ll be able to take care of myself. Besides, I needed to exercise; I have to keep this itty-bitty waist in tip-top shape.” She laughed and said, “Okay, Blanche,” (Golden Girls reference). Then she added, “This guy really is trying to control you, hun. It just seems like an awful lot of changes for a boyfriend. Are you sure you’re okay with all this?”—here comes the nosiness poking its head.

Don’t get me wrong, in the beginning, I had the same concerns, but being in it, it wasn’t all that bad. I said, “Mom, it’s not that bad. You yourself said that I was spending too much time in my room and on my computer. Well, I’m not anymore. Would you rather I went back to that? Besides, he’s adamant about making it clear that if any of this makes me unhappy, I can just walk away… not only can I walk away, he prefers that I do. But in case you care at all, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

She responded, “I just don’t want you to lose yourself for a guy and then, when he leaves, you’re lost. Besides, I didn’t raise you to do whatever a man tells you, did I?”

She was right; that’s not the way she raised me. But if you think about it, the way she raised me kept me in a room, on a computer, alone and lonely, so there was that. Obviously, I couldn’t say that—it would be very disrespectful, not to mention what it would do to our newfound relationship. Instead, I said, “I understand, Mom, but you also raised me not to be stupid. So, you need to trust me and know that I’m not stupid. You also raised me to make my own decisions, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. You did a good job, Mother, thank you.” I thought that should end this segment of today’s presentation.

She said, “I hate it when you throw my own shit back at me,” and smiled.

That was brutal! I know it seemed like a short little exchange, but I had a lot of things going on at the same time. Fortunately, she taught me enough to navigate that conversation and come out unscathed—for the moment, anyway.

She said, “So what other changes is he having you make? Anything I should know about?”—nothing that affects you, nosey lady! Any other questions, nosey lady?

I said, “Nothing that I can think of. We’re going on a few dates a week, I’m starting my martial arts classes, but other than that, he just says he wants to see me happy all the time… and I can’t blame him; I’m a joy to be around when I’m happy.”

Then she said, “Are you sure you’re not going to become a vegetarian or something like that?”—ha! Not really; in fact, he has me eager to take in more meat! Obviously, I couldn’t say that, so I just said, “Yes, Mom, if anything like that happens, it’ll be my choice, and I’ll be sure to let you know.” She scoffed but let it go.

As we drank our tea, she asked how class was, and I explained that it was a lot of fun and that I’d probably be sore for the next few weeks, but I planned to continue doing it.

I then told her about the MAsT meeting, though I didn’t mention anything about subs, leather, doms, or anything along those lines. I simply told her that we went to a meeting where people talked about the difficult parts of relationships. She was intrigued when I mentioned they discussed topics like anxiety, depression, and even how to deal with death in relationships. She said that was interesting and wondered just what Gabriel was into… well, that’s a question we’d need to sidestep quickly, because she didn’t really want to know, I didn’t want her to know, and honestly, even if I did, I don’t think I could answer most questions about it.

All throughout the conversation, Chrissie’s advice kept swimming in my head, “just be honest and deal with the discomfort for a little while”. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I doubted she’d try to kick me out or anything like that. I thought, “Fuck it, I’m going to do it.” … Kamikaze Red, right?

I said, “Mom, there’s something I’d like you to know about Gabriel.”

She replied, “He’s married, isn’t he?”

I laughed nervously and said, “If he were, would it make a difference if I’m happy? I’m just saying, you should be happy that I’m happy, no?”

I figured if I set up the possibility of something really tough, then when I told her how old he is, it’d seem easier to digest… brilliant plan, if I say so myself.

She said, “I guess, Red, but those things get complicated quickly. I dated a married guy once; it was… an experience, let’s put it that way.”

Well, lookie here—Mom has a bit of history she’s been hiding!

I said, “Really, Mom? When did that happen? Where was I?” She laughed and said, “I don’t have to tell you everything I do! Besides, it was a long time ago.”

I said, “Still, I want to know the story!” She replied, “Maybe another time, hun. You were saying about Gabriel and his wife and six kids… continue.” We both laughed, and I said, “No, Mom, he’s not married, and it’s not that serious, Mom… he’s just a bit older than me.”

Then silence hit; she just sat there, thinking for a few seconds. Eventually, she said, “How much older are we talking here?” For some reason, her questioning wasn’t worrying me that much—the look on her face was more of curiosity than concern, and I guess that put me a little bit at ease.

I said, “Mom, he’s a few years older,”—her face relaxed, almost looking disappointed. Then I continued, “than you.”

To my surprise, she cracked up, play-punched my arm, and said, “Rediance, you little shit-crumb!” Then we both laughed for a bit. She added, “I knew something was weird. Younger guys don’t really worry about birth control and stuff like that—they just want to get in and get out as soon as possible. Older men want to have their fun but get away scot-free when they’re done. So what is this, you guys are just having fun? Is that what it is?”

Hmm… that was a question I knew the answer to, but trying to explain the whole thing might keep me longer than I wanted to be on this turf, so I decided to say, “We’ll see, Mom. I just wanted you to know about it… I don’t want to keep things from you.”

She simply said, “Just be careful, hun—you might get hurt. I raised you to make your own decisions, so I guess I can’t be mad when you do.”

Holy shit! This was a lot simpler than I thought it was going to be. I guess eventually I’ll tell her about the whole polyamory thing, but that won’t be today.

I said, “Thanks for understanding, Mom. I thought you were going to be mad.” She smiled and replied, “Why would I be mad? You’re making your choice, right? Besides, if I start getting in the way of what you want, you’re going to do it anyway… That’s what I did, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Just don’t get pregnant—I’m not ready to be a grandmother.” I smiled and jumped up to kiss and hug her; this whole conversation made me happy, and the relief was immense.

I sat back down and said, “Enough about me, tell me about what you did!” She laughed and said, “Don’t worry about me, Rediance; you’re nosey, like your grandmother.” I jumped in and said, “And like my mother too… now tell meeee!”

She laughed and said, “Look, hun, I’m not perfect. I’ve done more than my share of stupid things that I’m not proud of, but at the moment, they seemed like the right thing to do… having said that, when you’re sneaking around with a friend of the family who is almost three times your age, married, and has kids who are older than you, then you can come and tell me something… until then, you’re still a rookie.”

Jaw, dropped. What the hell, Mom! All that time she’d been telling me to watch out for men and stay clear, but she did all that?

I asked, “Who was it, Mom??? Grandpa’s friend?” She shut that down quickly, said that was enough for the night, and went to bed.

Well, that was a turn of events—I did not see that coming. But at least now I didn’t have to hide Gabriel anymore, which was a relief. The jiggly bitch was right, again… maybe there’s more to Chrissie than an imperial ass.

When I got back to my room, I looked at my phone, and there was a message from Ms. Jiggles herself saying, “Red, thank you so much for today! I enjoyed it a lot. Please tell me we will do this again SOOOON!”

I texted back, and this is how the conversation went:

Me: Me too, Chrissie! I definitely want to do it again, SOOOON!

Chrissie: YAY! [Selfie with a happy face]

Chrissie: They have a class early in the morning… Let’s do it!

Me: Jiggles! I don’t know if I can do it; Gabriel is picking me up at 10.

Chrissie: Perfect! The class is at 7! Pick me up? See you then!

Me: Wait! Wait! Wait! That’s early, and I’m going to be starving!

Me: Chrissie!!! I haven’t eaten, and I won’t until I see Gabriel!

Me: Chrissie?

Me: Jiggles?

Me: [Selfie with a sad face]

Chrissie: You are fucking adorable! I love the face!

Chrissie: Okay, I’ll let it slide, but only this time because you’re being starved for the first time, but don’t get used to it.

Me: Thank you, beautiful!

Chrissie: Are you talking to me, or to my ass?

Me: I’m talking to you—I don’t talk to asses.

Chrissie: YET!

Me: Good night, Chrissie!

Chrissie: Wait! My ass wants to say HI.

Chrissie: Red? I know you can see this message!

Chrissie: Red, if you don’t send me a good night picture, I will send you a picture of my ass. You have 1 minute.

Me: Good night, Chrissie!
Me: [Smiling Selfie]

Chrissie: I thought you might see it my way. A smile looks great on you! Good night, pretty girl!

And just like that, with a growling tummy, I went to sleep, impatiently waiting for what Gabriel had planned.

to be continued...