As I [25M] approach 2.5 years of being single, I want to reflect on my last relationship. I had a long distance relationship over covid with a woman [25F] from another country. It was open, because being 2 horny people stuck inside and unable to get out of our respective countries will make you go crazy. Of course, we had some fun online - thank god for cameras - but it doesn't match having real sex with a real person. You can't recreate the physical sensations, the spontaneous moments, the undeniable sexiness of another person while they strip in front of you. You can approximate it with a fleshlight, but again, a toy isn't a real human.

I'll just preface this now, I wasn't into the relationship because I liked her, I was into the relationship because she liked me. I liked being liked, so I liked her back. As will become apparent, a foundation built on the feelings of another person, and not your own, inevitably crumbles and disintegrates once tested.

We had a really good time in the early days. I spent time learning her language, and we conversed a lot over the months about the state of the world and everything. Covid waned and boomed, so our lives were going with the flow. Eventually, it died down enough that I thought I could finally go over. I planned about a month in advance to go see her, and we were both excited to finally be with each other.

By this point, we also developed a strong commnication between each other. We discussed open relationships and constantly talked about how we thought certain people were hot during our sexting sessions or watching porn together. We would comment about this girl's tits or a guy's cock, and how hot it would be if we could be in their shoes.

I remember we had a call, around the time I planned the trip, where we were discussing a girl's pussy being really tight and how I'd love to feel that. She started squirming, looking uncomfortable, so I thought I had said something wrong. She revealed to me that it was super hot what I just said and we both realized she had a cuckquean kink.

Her last boyfriend didn't fuck her at all, and instead fucked other girls for the whole time they were together, which was for years. I think this is probably what set the grounds for her cuckquean tendencies to flourish. For that month, we infused a lot of cuckquean rhetoric into our sex talk and it was fun. She definitely got off on the humiliation aspect, and I liked that I could get her off in this way, even if humiliating my partner wasn't my thing.

I flew over and was absolutely blown away with how pretty she was. I had just traveled a long ways from home and spent a lot of money, but I knew it was worth it now. I still replay in my head her walking towards me because of how special that moment was. We hugged, she got me dinner. We just vibed with each other and soaked in how real each of us was. Someone I could finally touch and feel their heat on me. There was also no distinction between who she was online and who she was in real life. We meshed just as well as all those calls and enjoyed our company together.

Over the course of the trip, we roleplayed and had sex several times. Had to make the most of it because we didn't know when covid was going to ruin our chances to meet up again. Unfortunately, I couldn't get hard for a lot of the time. I don't know what it was, but all my dreams, and her's, of having crazy sex were crumbling because I couldn't keep it up.

This is where the problem of liking someone because they like you started cropping up. There was one day where I just fucked up like 8 times just saying the wrong stuff to her and I felt so bad I had a mini panic attack. I couldn't tell her that the real reason I felt bad was because I thought my only shot at love was being ruined by my own stupid actions. I seriously started to doubt if I really liked her, even physically, and I felt so bad that I basically duped her into believing we were on the same page.

We recovered though and had sex again the next day. Actually, really good sex. It was not what I expected I could enjoy, but it was magical in its own way. I'll write about it if I have the mental strength to relive it. However, the damage from that moment of doubt permeated in her mind and mine.

After I got home, our sex talk dramatically dropped off. It wasn't the same anymore and her time was noticeably spent more on her real life friends than her digital boyfriend. We only had one call where we watched porn together in the 6 months after, and I don't even think I got off.

We also started to become more distant. She was noticeably pulling away and focusing on her real life connections. I encouraged her to get out and have fun because I wanted her to connect with more people, to experience the open part of our relationship. But we also started having arguments, we would barely answer each other's calls, and the communication started to get really strained.

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Another woman [21F] had been in my life since before I knew my online girlfriend, but still during covid. We met at work. She and I got along quite well, quite fast. We both worked as cashiers and got trained at the same time. I wasn't afraid to be myself and I could tell she was drawn to me during our training sessions, making little jokes here and there. Afterwards, we worked together quite frequently on the same shifts.

Our registers were set up to be facing the same direction, pointing towards the back of the next register's cashier. I can't lie, when I was set up to be one register behind her, I looked at her ass stretched in her tight jeans more than once while I worked. She definitely caught me looking more than once too. She had a slim thick build and I'm notoriously unable to control my desires.

I don't think she minded, because we got along so well after work was over. We chatted and joked a ton when both our shifts were done. She got so comfortable she even started sending me pics every once in a while, teasing my obvious attraction to her.

During breaks, we also talked about her boyfriend. Coworker was going through a pretty rough time where her boyfriend was not really pulling his weight. We had several conversations about how to fix it, but also I validated her feelings that it shouldn't be happening. I validated her struggles and suggested what they could do to fix it.

As covid lockdown got worse, I invited her over to my place. We often got drunk and vibed, giving her the company and attention she needed from her boyfriend. When I get drunk though, I get a little rowdy. I playfully would slap her thighs, which she never resisted. We also talked about dd/lg and the dynamic that was shaping up between her and I. She rarely got to explore it because her boyfriend effectively ignored her and didn't communicate at all with her.

As the relationship with her boyfriend got worse, my friendship got closer to her. We got way more comfortable, opening up about sex and more openly teasing each other during these hang outs. I said I had never cum with another person, and she said she loved having a guy cum inside her. She expressed her desires to me, about spanking, calling someone "daddy", and being submissive. I would make my voice low and command her to reveal things that she was holding back from me, adding to the dynamic.

One of our nights that we hung out, she laid down on her stomach, and I just grabbed her thighs, slapping them with increasing intensity. I was working my way up her leg, watching her thick thighs jiggle with each slap. Eventually I grabbed her ass and gave her a spank. She squeaked, her face flushed, but told me she probably shouldn't do more of that.

My coworker and her boyfriend eventually got back on solid talking terms, and it actually looked like a good relationship... For 8 months. Coincidentally, my relationship with my online girlfriend was rapidly crashing. We had more fights, no cam sex, and she started ghosting me about a week before their relationship crashed.

When I got the message from my coworker "sorry not sorry but I need to get laid. I'm so damn moody it's not even funny", I asked if this was a booty call. She said that she needed to be in her hoe phase after her boyfriend broke up with her. She sent me many many pics of her looking sexy as hell, with "I need dick tonight".

We started sexting and the conversation got hotter and hotter. She drops an "Oops, did I forget to mention I'm home alone" and I'm shaking with excitement now. After some debating about whether we should fuck or not, she just said, "Get in the damn car and come over".

I messaged my girlfriend everything, but she was not responsive. I assumed it would be all good so I just went through with it. I drove as fast as I legally could and arrived at midnight to knock on the door. She was prepared and she had a thong sticking out of her jeans, a black one. I playfully jabbed at her when I noticed, and she said something like "Shh, you'll get to see it later".

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We go up to her room and rest on her bed. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and her arm rests on my chest. She starts talking about all the things that her boyfriend never did to her. How she felt so used and ignored and that she was grateful I was there. I couldn't help but remember that my girlfriend was effectively doing the same to me, and I just agreed with her. I consoled her and held her tight while she told me about her problems.

My hand started moving down, and eventually rested on her hip. She looked up at me and said, in the sweetest voice, "I really like that you came all the way out here for me".

It struck a chord in my heart and I sincerely responded with "I knew you were in pain. I would expect you to do the same." And then I lowered my head down to hers.

I lowered my hand and started grabbing her ass. She looked at me and knew what was coming. She had my leg in between her thighs, and started rocking her hips against me. I gave her a spank and she cooed. She was nervous before I came over, but she said something like "You know, you make me feel safe, even without alcohol."

I could feel the heat in between her legs as she ground against my knee. I gave her another spank and then grabbed her shirt to lift it up. She pulled away and breathed out a sigh of relief as she took her shirt off.

I looked at her and said, "Fuck, you're so sexy". She brought my hand to her B cup tits and had me grab them. She then straddled me, her knees around my hips, and I played with her tits and ass while she dry humped me. She suddenly started shaking on top of me and bit her lip hard. She breathed out a sigh and said "I came... fuck"

Her face was flushed and I unbuttoned her pants to start teasing her pussy more directly. My fingers added an extra bit of friction and I could feel her wetness through her thong. I got her bra off and revealed her teardrop tits with cute button nipples. I couldn't keep my hands off of every part of her body.

She looked down at me, confused. My mouth was hanging open, and then she said "Aren't you missing something?" and then kissed me. I was strangely uncomfortable kissing her. I couldn't figure out why in the moment, but I told her "Mmm, sorry. I'm not super into that right now". I felt the anxiety I felt from my trip, and I just needed to focus back on this sexy woman on top of me.

I rubbed her pussy while she ground into me. I spanked her ass and she ground into me harder. Her breath got shallow and fast, and she shook on top of me again.

I told her to stand up and take off her jeans. She, knowing my obsession with her ass, turned around and slowly pulled them down. She teased them down until she showed that black thong getting swallowed up by her ass. I relished in her pale white cheeks being displayed without any barrier. She turned around to get onto the bed but I told her to stand back up and bend over again. I literally couldn't get enough. She even playfully shook her cheeks while I stared.

After getting my fill, I commanded her, "Ok, come back baby" and she rushed back onto the bed. This time, she sat on my lap, with her ass facing towards me. I stuck my fingers down her panties and rubbed her bare pussy. She lasted maybe a minute or two before she shook again.

I got her on her hands and knees and then pulled down her thong to reveal the most perfect pussy. It was an innie, absolutely shaved bare, and perfectly puffy. The inside was just a slight bit pink and I still have in my memory how absolutely divine her backside was.

I stripped off my pants and underwear and grabbed the condom I brought. She seductively asked, "Wouldn't it be better if you fucked me and came inside?"

"Yeah, but I'm not totally sure about my girlfriend. Better safe than sorry for now" I responded. I checked my phone at this moment, no message still.

I rolled on the condom and slid inside. Oh my god, she was incredibly tight. And when I slid out, her pussy gripped, begging me to not leave. I grabbed her big white cheeks and started fucking her how I needed to. I mostly stayed in doggy but I loved it.

I loved watching her fat ass ripple against me, especially when I spanked her. I loved watching her tight pussy lips stretch over my cock. I loved knowing that she was so wet and ready for me. And I loved having the physical sensations of it all.

I fucked her on and off for about 45 minutes. I knew I probably wouldn't be able to cum because I came earlier in the day, but that didn't stop me from trying. I spanked her hard, I put her down onto the bed and fucked her prone. I loved being able to just fuck and fuck and fuck.

And she was loving it too. She shook and had an orgasm what felt like every 2 minutes or so. I slowed down for the first 5 orgasms, because her pussy was so tight, but after that, I just kept fucking her into oblivion. It was the raw passion that I needed to express.

So much passion that I started feeling a new sensation. I felt her grip right on my cock head and it was amazing. My thrusting ramped up even more to keep the pressure up. Eventually, when she came again. I pulled out to see that the condom had ripped, and I was fucking her raw.

I told her it broke and she just said "Pull it off. Cum inside me Daddy. I want you now".

Who was I to deny such a wonderful time? And fuck I did.

For the next 30 minutes. I held her in doggy and prone and got extremely close multiple times. I probably did unintentionally cum inside her but the big orgasm still eluded me.

That second session where I went raw was some of the best sex I've ever had. Her pussy was electric, I could hear how wet she was for me, and I couldn't stop pounding her. Her first orgasm with me raw, holy fuck I don't know how I lasted through it. She gripped me so hard and even just trying to slide back out, her pussy enveloped and squeezed on my cock.

Every time she came, she begged me to cum too. I honestly only lasted because I had cum earlier in the day, otherwise I would've shot multiple loads into her wanting, perfect pussy.

After 30 minutes of this renewed passion, sweaty and mostly satisfied, I finally tapped out. It was around 2:45 AM and I needed to get back home. I told her this was an amazing time and drove back, as fast as I legally could. I got home and told my girlfriend about roughly how it went and that we should call.

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Two days later, I called my girlfriend to discuss what happened. She wanted me to have cum inside my coworker, she wanted me to say that my coworker's pussy was better. She wanted me to describe how much sexier my coworker's ass was. She had wanted me to say all the things I had experienced in earnest. She moaned and begged for me to degrade her. But I couldn't.

That kiss showed me that I just wanted to be desired. It effectively broke the spell on my girlfriend. I was afraid of saying the things that would turn my girlfriend on, because I was really afraid of not being loyal to my girlfriend. If I told her that my coworker's pussy was better than her's, I would actually mean it. I just couldn't bring myself to do that and punish my girlfriend like her last boyfriend had. I always wanted to be loyal to her in the end, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth that I did want someone else for sex.

I went through with having sex with my coworker because I was in an open relationship. But I had deluded myself into thinking that this was how I keep the relationship going with someone long distance. I never got express approval from my girlfriend, and I had chosen this new girl over the one I should have been loyal to. This is how I feel I cheated in the end.

3 weeks of her ghosting me later, I was the one to officially end it. It is truly a regrettable experience. I still would choose to be open in my relationships, even today, but I need to actually like the person, be close with them emotionally and physically, and have both of us aligned in our life goals. Otherwise, I cannot build the foundation of trust and communication needed for my primary partner to feel safe with me exploring. I hope everyone reading heeds my warning, as to not repeat the inner turmoil I experienced.