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Part 53

Her joyful reaction was worth every bit of sweat and traffic I had to go through, and on top of that, I would be trying food I had never had before… so it was a win-win.

When we sat down at the table, I said, “Chrissie, can you please order for me? I want to try whatever it is that makes you do that dance. I want to dance like that too!” She smiled suggestively and said, “If that’s the case, I have another dance I should show you,” and she laughed, and she laughed, and she laughed to the point that I had to laugh too—not because I agreed or wanted to encourage the behavior, but her happiness and bubbly laughter was so contagious!

The truth is that her joke was not lost on me. Maybe she was doing it on purpose. Maybe this whole thing was on purpose, and I was falling for it like a sucker.

I guess the question really was if I wanted to be a curious, willing, and participating sucker… or not.

Though, I did wonder if this was all part of Gabriel’s plan. I mean, let me be honest, I was OBVIOUSLY not against the whole idea; I was, at the very least, curious. My mind reminded me every chance it got… but Gabriel is so honest and upfront about everything else, why would he hide his intention in this situation? But then again, he did say polyamory from the start, so maybe he was clear, and I just didn’t really get it until now. The thoughts of that polyamory video I saw came rushing back to my mind.

Anyway, I decided to cunningly pry a little more into Chrissie, not in a malicious way, but I wanted to know more about her.

I said, “Chrissie, so what made you want to be a therapist?” Hey, I had to start somewhere!

She responded, “I don’t know, I guess I was just intrigued by the human mind, and getting a PhD would take a lot more work, time, and money. So, this is good enough for now. Most people will tell you that they become therapists because they want to help people, and there’s some truth to that, but there’s also a huge part of us that wants to understand our own fucked up thoughts, you know?”

Fucked up thoughts, you say??? My eyes got THIS big, she was speaking to my soul!

I asked, “What do you mean, your ‘fucked up thoughts’?” She said, “Take me for example. I grew up in a very religious, conservative home with great parents who worked very hard to give me everything they could, and I love them for that. At the same time, I liked girls and a few other things that were ‘fucked up’ according to my upbringing and religion. That all created confusion and curiosity in me to try to understand it.”

I asked, “Is it working so far?” She just looked at me and said, “Red, sometimes you just like what you like. No need to let it torture you. It is like Gabriel said, ‘make peace with what you like, try to incorporate it into your life in the safest way possible, and move on to your next abomination,’ had I known that I would’ve saved a lot of money on college.”

We both laughed, and I asked, “Did he really say that?” and she said, “Yup, makes perfect sense to me. You can either spend your life chasing your tail, mortifying yourself trying to figure out why weird things bring you joy, or just love, enjoy, and live with them, as long as you’re not hurting anyone… without their consent, that is… Because I like being hurt a little, and I consent…I consent very much.”
And she laughed, and she jiggled, and she wiggled. I obviously joined her because it was funny, and after having my hair pulled and butt spanked, I knew exactly what she meant, and I concurred… I too, consent very much.

This evening was nowhere near as tough as I thought it was going to be. Chrissie was very easy to talk to, funny, and clever. I was enjoying myself more than I ever thought I would.

At one point, Chrissie pulled out her phone and said, “Let’s take a picture and send it to Gabriel, that will make him happy.” Now, work with me here—I had never had someone do the whole “let’s take a selfie” thing with me, and I was not very comfortable with posing for pictures, especially in public. As she aimed the camera, she said, “Red, smile!” but I struggled. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it; I felt self-conscious. Then she said, “You are brave enough to pick up men at coffee shops, but you can’t do this?” and that did it! She took the picture, we were both laughing like crazy people, and she sent it to Gabriel.

I wondered if Gabriel really told her that I picked him up on purpose. He obviously did say it, but did he really think it? Was that what Chrissie thought?

I found a pause and shyly asked, “So, Chrissie, you are bisexual?” She laughingly responded, “I am a little bisexual, only a little bit, and only when the moonlight hits me in the right way, only then am I bisexual. But to hear Gabriel tell it, I am one Gabriel away from being lesbian.” We both laughed… a lot. Her response was hilarious, and I had soup coming out of my nose trying to repeat what she said about the moonlight hitting her in the right way. She continued, “But yes, I enjoy women as well as men, women a little more, but I like both.”

It was such a great moment, which apparently was too great because she had to end it by asking, “How about you, Red? Do you like women?”—AHHH FUCK! My curiosity did me in, again.

How would I even answer that? I couldn’t say “yes” because I didn’t know, and I couldn’t say “no” because, well, I didn’t know. This was the jiggly bitch, the girl whose lip gloss helped me reach a delightful orgasm. I stayed quiet, thinking and not knowing how to answer.

Chrissie must’ve sensed my discomfort and said, “Hm… I see. Don’t worry, Red, you have plenty of time to figure it out, there’s absolutely no rush. Take your time.”—and that relaxed me… for about 2 seconds, because then she whispered, “If you find that you are, call me.”—and she went into another laughing fit, while I tried to figure out what the hell to say. I kind of just short-circuited and stared at her blankly, which only caused her to jiggle some more while saying, “Red, you-are-a-dorable!”

When she was done making fun of me, she said, “Ok Red, I won’t put you on the spot anymore, but keep in mind that neither Gabriel nor I will ever pressure you into anything. I am sure you and him have had conversations about him needing you to be all in on everything you guys do, and I will never do anything that will jeopardize my relationship with him, so you are more than safe.”—I nodded, and she continued, “Let’s play a game; I know you’re nervous and don’t want to talk about yourself. So, ask me questions, whatever you want, and I will answer.”

Now this is a game I can get into! I smiled and said, “Thanks Chrissie.” She smiled, I guess she recognized my eagerness and said, “See, the fact that you’re wanting to do this says so much about you, you’re not shying away, you’re trying to figure out how things work, our Sir is so right about your curiosity, it is fucking cute!”

Yeah, yeah, yeah, cute curiosity, I get it… Let’s play! I started, “Ok, ok, ok, Chrissie, I have questions that I am DYING to know the answers to.”—she got a huge smile on her face and said, “Shoot.” I said, “What’s with the whole curiosity thing? Most of my life, I’ve been getting yelled at for being curious, but you and Gabriel seem to love it. Why?”

She laughed and said, “Other than it being fucking adorable?”—we both laughed, and she continued— “We love curiosity, it keeps things new and exciting. We both are very curious people who love to laugh and enjoy our lives, so when he realized how curious you are about, well, everything, he got very excited… he thinks you’re amazing, and I am kind of coming around… kinda.”

I never thought of it that way. Growing up, my curiosity was always frowned upon. Asking questions that, apparently, I shouldn’t ask… but I wanted to knowww!
Chrissie was going to regret suggesting this game, because I had questions for days!

So, I said, “Please don’t laugh at me, I just want to understand. Back in class, when the guy wanted to work with me, you said something along the lines of him thinking you wanted you to be submissive to him. What does that mean? Are you like, selectively submissive? Is that a thing?” She looked at me for a second and said, “Of course buttercup! I do need to be submissive, but my submissive side is mine to give, and I only give it if I want to.
I am submissive, very submissive, but my submission is exclusively for Gabriel… and for you too Red, if the moonlight hits me just right that day.”—and she went into another laughing fit while I just got flustered and confused. All I was able to say was, “Chrissie, am shyyyy!!”—while still laughing, she continued, “That guy can go crawl under a nickel and lick Jefferson’s balls.”—Holy shit! That was hilarious! We both laughed until we were crying.

Anyway, I was still curious about the whole dom, master, slave, etc. thing from the meeting the day before, so I said, “Yesterday, Gabriel took me to a meeting and there were a bunch of people who would say things like ‘dom,’ ‘master,’ ‘slave’ when talking about their partners. What is that?”

She said, “Ah, he took you to a MAsT meeting. Did you meet the guys there?”

I said, “Yes, I met them. One of them gave a lecture, it was good. I just don’t know what those things mean, and I am curious. I tried looking it up, but I just got a bunch porn.”

She laughed and said, “Did you like the porn?”—she laughed but did not give me a chance to respond and continued, “First of all, I don’t think I am fully qualified to talk a lot about this, not in an educational way, but I am happy to share what I know, or what I think I know.”—I nodded—“Dom is short for Dominant, Sub is short for Submissive, there are Tops and Bottoms, and then there are Masters and Slaves. But there is a lot more than that, trying to keep up with all of it will take another few years of college,”—she laughed and continued—“Unless you’re trying to fully submerge in that lifestyle, like teaching it or be fully active, I would say only learn what affects you, directly or indirectly, otherwise you’ll be studying for a long time… there are new things almost every day, it seems.”

I jumped right in saying, “That’s the thing, I don’t know if it affects me or not. I am not sure if Gabriel expects something from me, like am I expected to be one of those things? Like, does Gabriel expect me to be ‘Top’?”

She stopped me and said, “You are definitely not going to be a top for Gabriel, I can promise you that.” and she laughed a little too happily for my taste.

She continued, “I don’t mean to laugh, but it was funny, and you will understand why in a second.”—then she explained what those things are, and in a nutshell, it is all about power exchange, meaning that the submissive gives a type of power, or control, over themselves to the dominant. She explained that the difference between a “top/bottom”, “dom/sub” and “master/slave” relationships is the type of control over themselves the submissive relinquishes to the dominant.

She finished her explanation by saying, “So, no, Gabriel does not expect you to be dominant over him, and that is not saying anything about you, it is just not who Gabriel is, and I think you know that by now… now you see why it was funny?”—I nodded, laughed nervously and said, “I see your point, and I don’t think I would want to.”

I understood what she meant, and her explanation was clear enough, but I was still curious, so I asked, “What do you mean when you say, ‘the type of power’?”

She explained, “Look at it this way: a bottom relinquishes control of their body, a sub relinquishes control of their heart and mind, and a slave relinquishes control of their life and lifestyle. At least that’s how it finally clicked for me. It could be different for different people; it all depends on their needs and dynamic, but that’s how I lived it when I was Gabriel’s slave.”

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!!! I had to get more answers!

With my eyes super big and curiosity on hyper-drive, I asked, “You were Gabriel’s slave? What happened?”—she smiled and said, “I can see why Gabriel likes your curiosity, it is sooooo cute!”—I smiled but wanted her to keep talking. She continued, “I was his slave for a little over three years, but then my damn biological clock started tiiiickiiiiing, and I know that my family, being so religious, would never accept this kind of relationship—you know, the whole poly thing—so Gabriel released me from being his slave so I could pursue a monogamous relationship with someone else.”

Wow! This shit was insane! But then again, not any more insane than me sitting at dinner with my boyfriend’s ex-slave, so I was coming around to the idea that my new life was probably insane to someone else, my mom for sure!

I said, “Oof! That’s a lot, Chrissie! How do you feel about all of that? You know, having to give up a life you enjoy just to make your family happy?”

She said, “The way I look at it is that it would be easier to forgive my parents for having to change my life than it would be to forgive myself for breaking my parents’ hearts.”

Wow Chrissie! You wise, jiggly, loving bitch.

I asked, “What does Gabriel have to say about all this?”

She replied, “At first, he tried to talk me out of it, telling me that my parents would ultimately accept it and come around… but I just can’t take that chance, you know? But overall, he has been supportive about my search for ‘monogamous duuuuuude,’ as he calls it.

Anyway, enough about this. What else you got, curious Red?”

I took a deep breath, just trying to let the heaviness dissipate a little and asked, “So, does Gabriel expect me to become his slave?”

She said, “I can’t, and will not, speak for our Sir, obviously. But based on my experience, he doesn’t expect you to be anything but yourself. Only you can define if you want to be his slave or not, or his sub or his bottom.

You have to understand that without your consent and your willingness, he is powerless over you, and that is the way he wants it. It took him a while to truly get me to understand that, but he finally was able to help me understand.

It all depends on YOUR needs and YOUR desires… if anyone ever tells you something different, you get as far away from them as you can, quickly.”

Hmmm… Okay. Everything pretty much lined up with everything Gabriel had shown and told me about himself, and about Chrissie.

He was also right about how spending time with her would be a good thing. I was learning a lot, and I was enjoying my time with her—she is funny, obviously smart, and as loving as he said she was.

As it was with Gabriel, Chrissie’s words all seemed to revolve around my own needs and desires, not theirs, which was not quite what I expected. I thought it was just going to be a bunch of demands and rules that I had to accept… whether I liked it or not.

The fact that Gabriel was supporting Ms. Jiggles through her search for her monogamous dude was weird—caring and thoughtful, yes, but weird too… But I was growing to like the idea.

Since I met Chrissie, I knew she and Gabriel had a relationship outside of me—yes, including a sexual one. I remembered that day at the café when jealousy bubbled up at the thought she might be trying to get rid of me so they could, you know, do stuff. She helped me through that moment, though, and even after she left, it clearly didn’t cross her mind that Gabriel and I might be headed to his back seat. In fact, she sent me a sweet text, and then there was the lip gloss fiasco… but that was just a prank. Maybe?

I couldn’t help but wonder how she managed it all without going crazy. I probably would’ve stayed outside the café just to see what happened after I left. So, I asked, “Chrissie, how do you deal with jealous feelings? I mean, knowing that Gabriel and I might be doing intimate stuff without you knowing?”

She replied, “Let me make sure I understand your question. The thought that Gabriel might be spanking me while you’re not looking drives you nuts. That’s what you’re saying? And you want to know how to not feel that way, right?”

Well! Not exactly how I would word it, you jiggly bitch.

I said, “In a less graphic way, yes, that’s what I mean.” She quickly jiggled back (ha! Get it? Jiggled, not bounced? No? Nothing? Alright.) and said, “Would you rather he spanked me while you are looking? I’d let you watch!”—then she broke into a full-on jiggling fit while I just stared, unsure whether she was serious or not. She added, “That was funny! You can laugh, Red! Seriously though, I’d rather know AND watch, if possible—send me pictures and videos!” She continued her jiggle-thon, and honestly, her boobs shook like Jell-O on a bumpy ride. Don’t judge me, they were RIGHT THERE, un-ignorable!

After ALL OF THAT, she finally simmered down and said, “Okay, seriously, for real this time. Listen, Red, I love Gabriel, and I’m becoming fond of you. I really like you.
So, when I hear you two are exploring and enjoying each other, I’m just happy for you both. I could get jealous, but what good would that get me? NOTHING.
I just choose to be happy for him, and for you. Especially for you—he does know how to make a girl curl her toes. Sometimes I even think about it when I’m alone, if you know what I mean.

Gabriel once tried to explain it to me, but I won’t try to repeat it because I’ll butcher it. I think he said something about ‘loving with your ego,’ but you’ll have to ask him to explain it to you.”

I thought about it: to be happy for her getting her hair pulled and butt spanked? I don’t know… that’s a big leap. And don’t think I didn’t catch the bit where she thinks about me when she is “alone”, I didn’t. But what do I say to that? “Thank you”? “I’m shy”? Best to let it go… for now.

While she was explaining, it all made sense in a way, but I didn’t know how to get there myself. Yet, the thought of her thinking about me when she is alone, and me looking at her lips while she talked… well, one thought led to another. Before I knew it, I was imagining Gabriel doing the things to her lips that he said he’d do to mine… and I wasn’t upset—I was… Not upset, let’s leave it at that.

to be continued...