Here’s a knee slapper for ya!

I (36m) recently started dating a woman as I’m in the midst of divorce from my spouse. It’s been perfect. She’s been on her own from her own former partner for about 18 months, and I was in a dead bedroom sexless marriage for 2 years.

When we first got our start it was hot and heavy. We were both without sex for so long that it was like someone released the bulls, and those bulls were let loose in a china shop. Happy to report that after a few months of dating that fire hasn’t faded, and we still can’t keep our hands off one another.

We’ve explored each others sexuality together, dipped our toes into some different things that we previously have never tried before, and we’re having a lot of fun. One of those things we’ve dipped our toes into is anal. Any and everything Anal. From full on penetration of me to her with my member, fingers, toys, to full on penetration of me with her fingers or toys. We’ve also done ass eating, it’s great. I’ve helped her realize that yes, she is a squirter, she just needs the right man to do it for her. It’s great.

Well, this past weekend we were in the bedroom and ready to have some fun. All the kids were upstairs sleeping. She had a couple of drinks and was feeling good. I’m sober (11 months) and don’t drink, but it doesn’t bother me that she does. That said, I don’t currently have a license. (This will be important later). Also noteworthy, she lives in a small community where everyone knows everyone’s business and she is a local school teacher.

Recently, she found what seemed to be a helluva deal on Amazon. It was essentially a sex toy box with all sorts of stuff. Lubes, masks, cuffs, dildos, and some plugs to name a few of the items. Biggest surprise to me was the cost. Only $25! Now granted I usually use Lovense toys, but I know a quality butt plug goes for way more than $25. But screw it, good deal right?

So we’re fucking. Everything is going great. She wanted to make the night special for me, so she was even wearing this little school girl outfit. She squirted a few times, the sheets are wet. This is turning into an award winning romp! She’s on top of me when suddenly I feel something fall and hit my leg. I asked her “did your plug just fall out?” She says, “I don’t know, I think so. Will you put it back in for me baby?” To which I replied, of course. But to my surprise when I reached in between my legs, no plug. Just the stopper portion of it. I simply said “oh shit”. She looked at me and asked “what?”. I didn’t know what to say. She asked me again, and once more before I replied “I think it’s still inside you. All I have is pieces”. Her: “are you fucking kidding me!? You’re a son of a bitch! I am furious right now! Turn off the fucking camera! (Yes, this is all on video).

Not sure how this is my fault. I reached into my own self and pulled my own plug out to see that the ends were about to break off, so good thing I pulled it when I did. Thanks a lot Jeff Bezos. Clearly just low quality plugs.

What followed was the most tense 5 minutes of my life alone in her bedroom while she was in the bathroom . What if it’s stuck? She’ll have to go to the er. How are we going to get there? She can’t drive and I don’t have a license. All of her babies are upstairs asleep. Everyone in town knows everyone and everyone’s business. We’re literally going to have to call her mom who lives nearby to come take her to the hospital. Now I have met her mom a few times, but I certainly don’t know her well enough for the “plug stuck in your daughters ass” conversation. All of this is going through my mind and I am DYING.

After a few tense minutes she emerges from the bathroom to announce she was able to “fish” it out of her although it took some work. She told me her back door is off limits for a while , so that sucks. But , disaster averted!

Glad we can laugh about it now, but the lesson here is no more Amazon butt plugs!