UPDATE: This story has a happy ending. See my comment here: https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover40/s/10GKfqdyGp

I'm currently in a classic failure cycle with psychological ED. I failed to get it up once, my wife clearly got upset, which made even more fearful of failing again, which caused me to fail again, etc. etc.

My wife is thankfully being generally supportive, in that she says she understands intellectually what is happening and that it's not her fault, but she's also being very open that, on a emotional level, it's bringing up painful feelings from sexual issues we had in the past. So, I'm grateful that she at least "gets it", but knowing how much it's hurting her on a subconscious level is of course making me even more fearful of failing again.

She's suggesting "taking a break" from sex, in hopes that the pressure will subside and things can eventually get back to normal, but I don't know if that will work. I feel like the entire time we're on "a break" all I'll be able to think about is that we're on the break because I'm a failure. And I also fear that deep down she'll be resentful the whole time. I mentioned both of these to her and she insists that won't be the case. However, the reason that WON'T be the case is because she's going through a low libido phase herself (and THAT also bothers me, because if things were going well, her libido would probably improve.)

Anyway, what I want to know is whether or not anyone here has resolved this type of psychological ED by taking a break from sex (and for how long?) I'm willing and able to set aside my reservations about what we both might be feeling during this break, if it might actually WORK.