Anyone else in this situation? We've been happily married for almost 20 years (OK, we've had some challenges in the past, but who hasn't?), our kids are teens and will both be out of the house in a few years. We're getting a bit more sexually adventurous in our almost-empty-nest years, and our sex life is going really well... except...

When we're cuddling in bed and my wife is in the mood, she will often say "Boy, I wish the kids weren't home" (so we could have some good sex). Obviously, we still sometimes have sex when they're home. We do have doors. But she likes to be loud, and having the kids cramps her style, so it's never great sex. We've also talked about how it would be fun to have sex in other rooms sometimes (very hard to do with kids around).

However, when the kids AREN'T home, and we know they'll be gone for hours, she takes ZERO initiative to take advantage of it, and will often rebuff me when I attempt to. Instead she typically goes into a mode of aggressively cleaning the house.

Now, I've been doing this marriage thing long enough to know two things:

• Women don't like feeling pressured to have sex (even with someone they love very much). They need foreplay and an overall relaxed environment/vibe to get into the mood. Feeling like "we need to have sex NOW because [...]" is problematic.
• They have a hard time setting their mind to sex when they have a big to-do list running around in their head (hence the aggressive cleaning).

But, clearly there's got to be a way to balance these two issues against the practicality of getting it on when it's actually feasible/practical/optimal.

Because as it is, we only have GREAT sex when we go through all the relaxation/foreplay/etc. at the somewhat random times when she's already in the mood (for whatever reason) AND the kids happen to be out of the house. That ends up being maybe once every month or two. Meanwhile, during the school year, we're both at home without the kids twice a week (I work from home and she only works 3 days a week). And we almost never get it on during those times.

How do others deal with having sex when it's actually feasible, without it feeling too high-pressure?