So I posted months ago about the 30 day sex challenge my wife (f34) and I (m33) did that I believe saved our marriage. We ended up going for nearly 50 days before breaking the streak. A few key takeaways looking back and from where we are now:

• The most important part of the challenge long term was that it established a pattern of spending uninterrupted time between the two of us. No kids, work, house chores, etc. Our relationship has been so much stronger as a result of this realization. Most importantly, we reestablished open and honest communication.

• We both were able to appreciate the other’s sexual situation. I have a higher sex drive than her, and before the challenge I felt that she just did not like sex. Far from it. I was able to see that there is time and effort associated with getting her in a mood to fully enjoy sex when not immediately in that head space, but she genuinely loves sex, too. Similarly, she was able to more fully appreciate my sex drive and burning attraction for her.

Essentially, we acknowledged that we both love sex with each other and decided that it is something that needed to be prioritized but not always the priority. While not doing the challenge anymore, we have decided on a sort of sexual routine that allows for enjoyment for both of us while allowing for the inhibitors life tends to toss our way. This routine is focused on the time after kids are in bed. It has been working well so far, and maybe it could for others:

1) Friday and Saturday nights are set aside for sex. Usually this includes copious foreplay and a focus on mutual orgasms. We have been arranging for a date night out of the house once every 3 to 5 weeks that culminates in sex.

2) Sunday is generally a movie night or something similar for us. Sex is not planned but may happen.

3) Monday through Thursday nights are more reserved for dealing with life stuff and sex is not top priority. If we’re not too tired or busy, we’ll try to get sex in on one or two of this nights but it’s not expected.

4) We try to consciously keep nonsexual intimacy going throughout the week via hugs, holding hands, etc.

5) I purchased a massage table on Amazon and have started to learn how to give my wife massages. Relaxation is a great first step for getting into the mood.

I’ve seen posts here asking about how to keep things interesting in long term relationships. I know too many people in dead bedroom situations. It is easy to see why so many marriages end, especially when things seem dull or sex simply isn’t happening. Hopefully this helps spark some conversation with a SO and helps reignite a smoldering relationship like it did mine.