Hey y’all, my partner (31F) and me (30M) have just recently passed the 30 threshold and i feel like our sex life has made a weird turn. We’ve been together for 10 years.

Our mid to late 20s felt fun and adventurous when it comes to our sex life, where both of us reciprocally found mutual enjoyment. Since she turned 30 onwards, our frequency hasn’t really changed, but feelings and context have. Anytime I attempt to initiate something, she more than likely will turn it down. Trying to navigate that relationally and attempting to set a mood feels like a failure a lot of times. Personal connection, helping with life things, she likes having sex with the windows open and bringing that into the picture hasn’t really captured her interest.

I give her space and validate her because sex is a two way street, but for the past year or two it feels as though sex can only happen when she initiates it. And it’s a pretty predictable routine: she says she’s open, we foreplay (usually resulting in her cumming), and then vaginal intercourse (about 50/50 on either of us climaxing). Even in those encounters that she initiates, it feels very one-sided for both of us. 1) we can’t have sex unless she initiates and 2) I feel like our current routine is curated specifically for my sexual needs and not hers.

I just feel like we’re in a sexual rut, and I want to work with her to reach the next step in our sexual journey together. Has anyone else been through this? Any advice on how I can help encourage my partner and foster something holistic sexually for both of us?