My wife rarely initiates sex. I wouldn’t mind initiating the majority of the time, except that she’s oblivious to any subtle hints. She needs sex to be explicitly mentioned, which I find incredibly difficult. Asking “do you want to have sex?” while we’re cuddled on the couch makes me feel like I’m begging (which isn’t fair to the folks out there in sexless relationships). But she does not respond to anything less direct.

Our sex therapist has suggested scheduling, but even thinking about having that conversation causes me similar anxiety. The idea of asking “can we plan to have sex Wednesday?” fills me with a strong sense of embarrassment. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about sex itself—my wife and I regularly attend sex parties and have introduced other people into our sex lives. It’s specifically the act of requesting sex that gives me problems.

Does anyone else have experience with this? How do people who are into kink talk about scheduling the prep and logistics of a scene?