I have never had an orgasm with a (male) partner. I have always been able to get myself there with my hands or a vibrator (clitoral stimulation only).

This weekend I fooled around with someone I had been on a few days with. We did not end up sleeping together as the night we spent together I found out that he was not going to be staying in London, contrary to what I originally thought. This hookup was important though as within minutes he was able to find the right spots and movements to stimulate my clitoris and within seconds he located my G Spot.

The reason the above is so important to me is that… I have been in two one year long relationships and one four year long relationship. In these relationships I had convinced myself that I was a freak of nature who didn’t have a G Spot, and that it was all psychological as to why I couldn’t have an clitoral orgasm with my partner. I have some sexual trauma and also very bad body dysmorphia and so I blamed myself for anorgasmia during sex - and I have spent years feeling so much guilt that my partners were not able to make me cum. My recent hookup has made me realise my previous partners…. Never even tried. Didn’t really listen when I said “softer”, respond to me moving their hands even if it was just a millimetre, and did not put enthusiasm/effort into foreplay/teasing/experimenting.

I’m distressed to realise that it has been possible but none of my previous partners cared enough to find out. Especially when they came, every single time.

I am also mildly upset I didn’t have sex/allow myself to orgasm with this hookup - but I was getting feelings and with him leaving I knew I would be more upset if we had sex or if he did give me an orgasm than if I just called it.

I am thinking very hard about going to a sex therapist about this. I am in London but happily will talk to anyone online that comes highly recommended. I would love other women to share their experiences and I would appreciate any recommendations for therapy providers (female preferred). Now I know an orgasm by another person is possible… I need to understand why I had convinced myself it wasn’t, and how to not do this in the future, and how to relax the way I relaxed with my fling with other men…