Anyone who spends time here on SO30 knows how much folks here are fans of Emily Nagoski. She's best known for her 2015 book, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life* which was a proverbial game-changer for individuals and couples trying to better understand issues of desire/sex drive. For many of us, it's how we were introduced to the concept of responsive desire (which was originally coined by Dr. Rosemary Basson in 2001).

The irony is that while she was working on the book and during the months after it came out, and she explained in a new NY Times article, her own libido tanked. That experience lead her to work on her brand new book, which just came out: Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections.

For those who don't have access to the NY Times article I just linked to (or you prefer to listen vs. read), the Sex and Psychology podcast just had Nagoski on the other week to talk about the book and its main points.

One of the big arguments that Nagoski makes might surprise people: "Center pleasure, because great sex over the long term is not about how much you want sex, it's about how much you like the sex you're having."

In that podcast episode, she talks about how, within the context of a LTR, people put too much emphasis on and novelty and not enough focus on pleasure and connection. (She also says she'd like to ban the phrase "put the spark back into my marriage/relationship". I feel like her and Esther Perel could have a lively debate around this point).

Anyways, I haven't read Come Together yet as I'm still trying to work my way through another recent book though, Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, which also seems like it'd be of interest to many folks here. However, I know what's next on the reading list, after Desire!