TLDR, Wife thinks I "took away" her right to masturbate, looking for ways to fix that thought.

Husband here, both of us are late 40's, almost empty nesters.

Kids Teen years were very rocky, but the last two years have had a massive turnaround (much fixing on my side, some fixing on her side and... strangely enough communication)

I am HIGH libido, was wanting "it" multi-times a day, now that I am getting older, I'd be thrilled at 4-5 times a week. So... Lower for me, but still way to high.

Wife, not so much. Once a month would be great for her, but we get it on about one a week to every other week. (I personally think it has to do a bit wither her IUD, before she got that "installed" she was much more frisky, but everytime I have ever brought that up... well, nope, not going there again. She really enjoys the lack of her periods)

So, I find time (normally daily) to self release the urges before I get too single minded (I don't want to go back there again, sex is good, happy marriage is better)

Last night she was teasing me that she woke up the previous night to the bed rocking... again. I tried poking back and saying maybe she could join in or that someday I would wake up to her rocking the bed, or even watching each other (ha ha ha, but really it could be fun)

She came back an said "Well, that is something I can't ever do anymore with you around" Gigged a bit, kissed me, and went to sleep. From my eyes, that is a lot of landmines, and was a massive gut punch (enough so to create a throwaway reddit account and look for outside answers)

I know in the past I was way to pushy for sex, and part of fixing me was to make sure that I never become that person again.

So here is kinda my question. If I convince her that she can "flick the bean" either with or without me around, will that affect her libido one way or the other? And, any recommendations on how I can broach the subject of "giving her back something I took away" - that hit me hard. I know, communication, but I want to plan this communication out before I start opening my mouth.

So, yeah... embarrassed but please help please!