My wife and I have a great relationship. We have a pretty good sex life at the moment too although we’ve had our ups and downs.

I recently bought one of those sets of under-the-mattress restraints. The idea of restraining her and having my way with her was super hot. So I ran it by her and she wasn’t opposed. I just used the wrist restraints the first time so she could get used to that before stepping it up to having both wrists and ankles restrained. Afterwards, I asked her how she liked it. She was neutral. It didn’t excite her exactly, but it didn’t turn her off either. I think she felt like, it doesn’t do anything for me, but if you like it, great!

Afterwards I think she was trying to figure it out. Is this like, a rape kink, she asked? I’d be honest if it was, but I said I didn’t think so because if she’d been crying or saying “no” or anything I wouldn’t be into that at all. Ideally I want her enthusiastic about it. And if she wanted me to hurt her, I couldn’t do that, I’m not into inflicting pain even upon request.

But then I thought, “so why DO I want to do this too her?” Of course it’s just about the hottest thing to see her tied at the wrists and ankles, spread eagle on the bed waiting for me to do whatever I want with her…but she’d let me do that anyway if I wanted. No restraints necessary. I do like to sexually dominate her sometimes (ok,I’d like to do it all the time but I only do it sometimes so as not to overdo it and to keep the style and tone of our sexual encounters more carried and unpredictable). I love to pull her hair in doggy or pin her arms down, that kind of thing. But I really don’t understand why I want to tie up someone who’ll basically try anything I want but who doesn’t particularly get anything out of the experience in the first place.

Any thoughts? Just trying to understand my sexual self.

Also, to any of the ladies out there who enjoy being tied up (but not hurt), what do you enjoy? Why do you enjoy it? What do you like that enhances the experience? What does he do that turns you on in this scenario? Has anyone started out not liking being tied up but came to like it more later?